(8/3/05) How to Sing Bitter
I found some HOW TO SING BETTER advice that inspired me to respond based on our Kxperience
HOW TO SING BITTER
All of us have to "sing" at some point, even if it's just a simple 'Professional Recreation of a Well Known Hit' - "Cracklin' Rose", for example. Use these simple tips and techniques in futile hope of retaining a shred of your dignity.
After KG calls you up...
1. Keep your arms completely still. Clasp the microphone desperately in front of you and bring it to your face, keeping your arms pinned to your side in a tense and awkward fashion. This will allow your ribcage to narrow providing a smaller, less inviting target for hooting and derision.
2. Keep your feet completely still and planted in front of the "monitor".
3. Don't Relax! Tension creates a barrier that is difficult for the "audience" to penetrate. Encourage your shoulders to hunch up and keep your neck tensed. Don't force your chest out - unless you are trying to get Jimmy's attention and incite him to bath you in his flashlight spotlight Try to suppress swaying from side to side with the rhythm. And by no means use the ceiling support as a stripper's pole!
4. When you inhale, push your stomach out. This will allow you to more completely fill your lungs. As you exhale, bring your stomach slowly in, using the muscles of your diaphram (which is just under your ribcage) to yelp and howl most aggressively. Remember bitterness and near-psychotic, bug-eyed intensity are your only defense from the completely natural waves of shame and embarrassment that you would otherwise experience.
5. If you have to hit a high note or you hear yourself singing flat (that is, your notes are a tiny bit too low), don't sweat it... nobody but Drama Majors can hit those damn high notes! Screw them... you are up there for yourself and your own vain glory... who cares how it sounds to others?
6. Conversely, if you start to sing sharp (a tiny bit too high), that's cool! You sound like Celine Dion and that is the diva effect we are all shooting for
7. Indulge yourself!
Here is the original (mostly useless) advice
HOW TO SING BETTER
All of us have to sing at some point, even if it's just a simple 'Happy Birthday'. Use these simple tips and techniques to improve your voice and your confidence.
After the jump...
1. Keep your arms slightly away from your body. Clasp your hands out in front of you or bring your arms to your sides and a bit forward, raising them about 6 inches in a flexible, relaxed fashion. This will allow your ribcage to fully expand and your lungs to fill to capacity. More air allows you to project your voice more strongly and clearly.
2. Keep your feet about shoulders' width apart. If you like, one foot can be further forward than the other. Make sure you're solidly balanced, but still flexible. Slightly bend your knees. If you must sing while sitting, make sure both feet are flat on the floor and that you're sitting up straight, but not stiffly.
3. Relax! Tension destroys vocal tone. Try not to let your shoulders hunch up and keep your neck from tensing. Don't force your chest out and up when you breath in. This will actually constrict your air flow. Stay in motion, however slightly. This will relax your body and your tone will sound more natural. Try gently swaying from side to side with the rhythm. You'll look better, too!
4. When you inhale, push your stomach out. This will allow you to more completely fill your lungs. As you exhale, bring your stomach slowly in, using the muscles of your diaphram (which is just under your ribcage) to control your notes.
5. If you have to hit a high note or you hear yourself singing flat (that is, your notes are a tiny bit too low), raise your arms a little higher and smile slightly. For very high notes, try closing your eyes and turning your face up slightly.
6. Conversely, if you start to sing sharp (a tiny bit too high), bring your arms down a little lower and open your mouth slightly wider by dropping your lower jaw. Don't dip your chin towards your neck, however, as this will cause your air flow to become constricted, which will show up in your voice.
7. Enjoy yourself!
Who is in for K this R @ K's?
HOW TO SING BITTER
All of us have to "sing" at some point, even if it's just a simple 'Professional Recreation of a Well Known Hit' - "Cracklin' Rose", for example. Use these simple tips and techniques in futile hope of retaining a shred of your dignity.
After KG calls you up...
1. Keep your arms completely still. Clasp the microphone desperately in front of you and bring it to your face, keeping your arms pinned to your side in a tense and awkward fashion. This will allow your ribcage to narrow providing a smaller, less inviting target for hooting and derision.
2. Keep your feet completely still and planted in front of the "monitor".
3. Don't Relax! Tension creates a barrier that is difficult for the "audience" to penetrate. Encourage your shoulders to hunch up and keep your neck tensed. Don't force your chest out - unless you are trying to get Jimmy's attention and incite him to bath you in his flashlight spotlight Try to suppress swaying from side to side with the rhythm. And by no means use the ceiling support as a stripper's pole!
4. When you inhale, push your stomach out. This will allow you to more completely fill your lungs. As you exhale, bring your stomach slowly in, using the muscles of your diaphram (which is just under your ribcage) to yelp and howl most aggressively. Remember bitterness and near-psychotic, bug-eyed intensity are your only defense from the completely natural waves of shame and embarrassment that you would otherwise experience.
5. If you have to hit a high note or you hear yourself singing flat (that is, your notes are a tiny bit too low), don't sweat it... nobody but Drama Majors can hit those damn high notes! Screw them... you are up there for yourself and your own vain glory... who cares how it sounds to others?
6. Conversely, if you start to sing sharp (a tiny bit too high), that's cool! You sound like Celine Dion and that is the diva effect we are all shooting for
7. Indulge yourself!
Here is the original (mostly useless) advice
HOW TO SING BETTER
All of us have to sing at some point, even if it's just a simple 'Happy Birthday'. Use these simple tips and techniques to improve your voice and your confidence.
After the jump...
1. Keep your arms slightly away from your body. Clasp your hands out in front of you or bring your arms to your sides and a bit forward, raising them about 6 inches in a flexible, relaxed fashion. This will allow your ribcage to fully expand and your lungs to fill to capacity. More air allows you to project your voice more strongly and clearly.
2. Keep your feet about shoulders' width apart. If you like, one foot can be further forward than the other. Make sure you're solidly balanced, but still flexible. Slightly bend your knees. If you must sing while sitting, make sure both feet are flat on the floor and that you're sitting up straight, but not stiffly.
3. Relax! Tension destroys vocal tone. Try not to let your shoulders hunch up and keep your neck from tensing. Don't force your chest out and up when you breath in. This will actually constrict your air flow. Stay in motion, however slightly. This will relax your body and your tone will sound more natural. Try gently swaying from side to side with the rhythm. You'll look better, too!
4. When you inhale, push your stomach out. This will allow you to more completely fill your lungs. As you exhale, bring your stomach slowly in, using the muscles of your diaphram (which is just under your ribcage) to control your notes.
5. If you have to hit a high note or you hear yourself singing flat (that is, your notes are a tiny bit too low), raise your arms a little higher and smile slightly. For very high notes, try closing your eyes and turning your face up slightly.
6. Conversely, if you start to sing sharp (a tiny bit too high), bring your arms down a little lower and open your mouth slightly wider by dropping your lower jaw. Don't dip your chin towards your neck, however, as this will cause your air flow to become constricted, which will show up in your voice.
7. Enjoy yourself!
Who is in for K this R @ K's?
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posted by cfrye2000 at 12:10 PM
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