Night of 1000 Fauxmosexuals
As I struggle to decipher my notes from last night, I am struck by how foggy my memory of the evening actually is. I am not sure what to attribute that to. There was a kind of "wildness" in the air - the "natives" were definitely whipped up.
Like most nights at K's new friends were made. I immediately fell in with an Hombre who was very "over served" by the time I got to him... He assured me several times that he was not "hitting on me" with his numerous attempts to "get some conversation happening". I took no offense but felt it was best to not encourage him too much so I pretended to be asleep. I think it was a good decision since later he was seen dancing and embracing with a guy the BikerBouncer ultimately had to "deal with" - more on that later.
Once The Alien came in he drifted to the background - later moving to more fertile territory at the other side of the bar.
Things proceeded pretty normally for my first "number" but things started to boil over at about the time that.
1. KG showed up and announced that he was 40 years old
2. The Alien launched into his version of SWEET CAROLINE
The Alien's subtle combination of song craftsmanship and alien mind control compelled two, up to this point, unseen "regulars" to dance and caper about as The Alien's Own Private Man Dancers. It got a little weird and then it got a whole lot weirder and then it got ridiculous. Even jaded KG seemed a bit taken aback by the vim, vigor and enthusiasm displayed by what looked to all of us, as an ordinary handful of paunchy middleaged white men... boy were we all wrong!
In the glow of the post performance there was much joy and affection shared while all basked in the new man-on-man-tolerant atmosphere... KG even offered to enter into a man/man relationship with The Alien. The Alien made it clear he wasn't interested... we suspected that KG was only kidding anyway since he made it clear he only preferred the "pitching" position. In any case it was the Night of 1000 Fauxmosexuals
We were all so taken aback that other boundaries were dissolved... we entered into what some might even consider a "conversation" with a couple Slim-Gimpy-quality party girls that were just as amazed as we were... They were soon distracted by the Loyola University Janitor that soon began to grope one of them incessantly and communication ceased at that point.
Things would have been fine and dandy if not for one final development
3. Rhonda launched into her version of BABY GOT BACK
While things had merely been ridiculous before they quickly became threatening and dangerous as paunchy Man Dancers crowed Rhonda out of the prime "performing" position - causing Matchbox Kenny to actually have to defend her by waving them off. This roused the attention of BikerBouncer... The sight of paunchy Man Dancers inspired a small crowd of paunchy Couple Dancers to Grind and Dirty Dance through the final parts of Rhonda's "number"
By the time the "number" was finished BikerBouncer was "swimming" through the crowd like a shark on the prowl. He cornered the smallest, most aggressive Man Dancer while the rest of them evaporated into the crowd... The Alien alerted us, "Watch... BikeBouncer is about to begin to move deceptively fast..." Before you could say, "I like Big Butts", BikerBouncer had the Man Dancer wrapped up and halfway to the sidewalk. It was a site to behold - BikerBouncer is a good man to have in a tight spot.
Another first: Joe got his birthday written on the "March Birthdays" announcement board at K's... pretty cool... he was careful to clear it first completely with BikerBouncer before giving him any reason to kick his ass.
Marie was there most of the night, but then mysteriously disappeared once she got some cash from us. Mystery.
Also, there were a number of memorable quotes from various people that I will not repeat because I have either forgotten them or am too shy to repeat them.
Of course, not content to let an open sore heal, The Alien and Rhonda performed two more provocative numbers. Jimmy rewarded Rhonda with an extended Flashlight Bath. Jimmy was particularly provoked by The Alien's number... making several homo-erotic hand gestures and miming demonstrations of various indecipherable sex-acts.
Then we ran for our lives.
THE LINE UP
The Alien: SWEET CAROLINE, I'M TOO SEXY
Rhonda: BABY GOT BACK, THE TIMEWARP
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Chris: RING OF FIRE, PRETTY IN PINK
Let's hope the next R @ K's for K is a little bit more boring.
Like most nights at K's new friends were made. I immediately fell in with an Hombre who was very "over served" by the time I got to him... He assured me several times that he was not "hitting on me" with his numerous attempts to "get some conversation happening". I took no offense but felt it was best to not encourage him too much so I pretended to be asleep. I think it was a good decision since later he was seen dancing and embracing with a guy the BikerBouncer ultimately had to "deal with" - more on that later.
Once The Alien came in he drifted to the background - later moving to more fertile territory at the other side of the bar.
Things proceeded pretty normally for my first "number" but things started to boil over at about the time that.
1. KG showed up and announced that he was 40 years old
2. The Alien launched into his version of SWEET CAROLINE
The Alien's subtle combination of song craftsmanship and alien mind control compelled two, up to this point, unseen "regulars" to dance and caper about as The Alien's Own Private Man Dancers. It got a little weird and then it got a whole lot weirder and then it got ridiculous. Even jaded KG seemed a bit taken aback by the vim, vigor and enthusiasm displayed by what looked to all of us, as an ordinary handful of paunchy middleaged white men... boy were we all wrong!
In the glow of the post performance there was much joy and affection shared while all basked in the new man-on-man-tolerant atmosphere... KG even offered to enter into a man/man relationship with The Alien. The Alien made it clear he wasn't interested... we suspected that KG was only kidding anyway since he made it clear he only preferred the "pitching" position. In any case it was the Night of 1000 Fauxmosexuals
We were all so taken aback that other boundaries were dissolved... we entered into what some might even consider a "conversation" with a couple Slim-Gimpy-quality party girls that were just as amazed as we were... They were soon distracted by the Loyola University Janitor that soon began to grope one of them incessantly and communication ceased at that point.
Things would have been fine and dandy if not for one final development
3. Rhonda launched into her version of BABY GOT BACK
While things had merely been ridiculous before they quickly became threatening and dangerous as paunchy Man Dancers crowed Rhonda out of the prime "performing" position - causing Matchbox Kenny to actually have to defend her by waving them off. This roused the attention of BikerBouncer... The sight of paunchy Man Dancers inspired a small crowd of paunchy Couple Dancers to Grind and Dirty Dance through the final parts of Rhonda's "number"
By the time the "number" was finished BikerBouncer was "swimming" through the crowd like a shark on the prowl. He cornered the smallest, most aggressive Man Dancer while the rest of them evaporated into the crowd... The Alien alerted us, "Watch... BikeBouncer is about to begin to move deceptively fast..." Before you could say, "I like Big Butts", BikerBouncer had the Man Dancer wrapped up and halfway to the sidewalk. It was a site to behold - BikerBouncer is a good man to have in a tight spot.
Another first: Joe got his birthday written on the "March Birthdays" announcement board at K's... pretty cool... he was careful to clear it first completely with BikerBouncer before giving him any reason to kick his ass.
Marie was there most of the night, but then mysteriously disappeared once she got some cash from us. Mystery.
Also, there were a number of memorable quotes from various people that I will not repeat because I have either forgotten them or am too shy to repeat them.
Of course, not content to let an open sore heal, The Alien and Rhonda performed two more provocative numbers. Jimmy rewarded Rhonda with an extended Flashlight Bath. Jimmy was particularly provoked by The Alien's number... making several homo-erotic hand gestures and miming demonstrations of various indecipherable sex-acts.
Then we ran for our lives.
THE LINE UP
The Alien: SWEET CAROLINE, I'M TOO SEXY
Rhonda: BABY GOT BACK, THE TIMEWARP
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Chris: RING OF FIRE, PRETTY IN PINK
Let's hope the next R @ K's for K is a little bit more boring.
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posted by cfrye2000 at 12:17 PM
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