@ Karaoles on R

Knowledge of Sh*tty Songs that Everyone was Already Happy to have Forgotten

2011-12-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

I am still a bit off balance by this whole thing... sorry I am late getting this out, but it has taken this long to process.... Did that guy really just do Orinoco Flow?

By that guy, I mean that guy right there... the large one... the vaguely Thespian one? W. O. W.

I didn't even realize anyone whose voice wasn't FIRST, heavily processed through a synthesizer and SECOND, had all the parts where you have to take a breath spliced out in the studio, could even approach that song, let alone do it in a Karaoles-like venue (i.e. crappy bar, crappy sound system, crappy CD+G arrangement, and no-talent wannabe "performers").

I gotta say he gets an "A" for "Audacity" but an "F" for "Trying hard but Still Falling off that Tight-rope"

W. O. W.

Otherwise a pretty tame night... that same guy continued to try to impress everyone with his Tenacious-D sensibilities and knowledge of sh*tty songs that everyone was already happy to have forgotten - but in the end he was a one-trick pony.

Jimmy was either mellow or separated from reality... or both.

It was good to see everyone though I did miss Barbie the Xmas Tramp.

The night was exceptional in that I must of dosed Lisa too much because we were the last ones to leave

The Line up that I Remember... Ah screw it... I really don't remember much past that Orinoco Flow incident

People should feel free to comment with what they remember...

A Kristmas Karaole

2011-12-12T04:23:00.000-08:00

(inspired by White Christmas)

I'm dreaming of a white trash Christmas

Just like all the ones before

Where Daddy's missin', and children listen

for him to stumble in the door

I'm dreaming of a white trash Christmas

With every tavern your Ma calls

May she find your Daddy to-night...

And may both your parents be home tonight!

12/22 has been christened as A Kristmas @ Karaoles.

Anybody interested in K @ K's on that R?

Uncanny Valley

2011-07-18T19:16:00.001-07:00

(Inspired by DOWN IN THE VALLEY)

Uncanny Valley, That's where I'm at.
Robots are freak-y, but Karaoles beats that.

There's Mrs jimmy, them eyes don't move right.
My brain just cain't parse that. I'm done eating tonight

Anyone care for K this R @ Ks.?

Happy Birthday

2011-05-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful Birthday Celebration last night @ K's for K on R. Wonderful in a K kind of way. If "creepy" + "lecturous" +"old" + "drunken" >= "wonderful" then wonderful it was.

It was R's birthday and she said some very nice things that reminded me what a treat and privilege it is to know her.

Normally, I feel like the farm hands from Wizard of Oz - I am happy just to be invited in the house to stand in the back of the room awkwardly holding my hat and paying my respects.

It is gravy to also be included in the happy swirl of all the friends and goings on and for sweet things being said to remind me of the value of friendship.

I just will say, "Happy Birthday" , but I am really saying "thank you" for all the years of fun and friendship.

Signs, Wonders and Revelations

2010-08-06T16:12:00.000-07:00

Due to some top-flight sleuthing and reportage, Rhonda was able to ferret out some quality "info" about our Karaoling Lokale...

* BikerBouncer2 also goes by the handle, "Kevin"
* Marie is d-e-d, dead (!!)
* Jimmy also goes by the handle, "Jimmy Currie" - as in, "Mr. Currie I hope to never see you before this Court in the future!"
* Lil'Jimmy is 27 years young: Current Status: Unemployed (!!)
* The Restaurant down the street from Karaoles?: NO HOT DOGS (!!)
* The strip of Ashland in front of Karaoles?: NOT FIXED NEXT YEAR (!!)
* Bonus Fact: Jimmy is 68 (going on 69) and is still living (!!)

Truly Signs, Wonders and Revelations!

Otherwise a Our-Group-Dominated-Night - tight rotation, no gaps except for Matchbox Kenny, of course. No Characters - old, new or otherwise.

THE LINE UP
Ryan: DR. MY EYES, MIDNITE CONFESSIONS, I LOVE THE RAINY NIGHTS
Rhonda: 9 TO 5, CECELIA, PRIVATE EYES
The Alien: SWEET CAROLINE
Lisaf: CALL ME, I LOVE ROCKANDROLL, SURRENDER (duet with Chris)
Chris: ACT NATURALLY, LOVESICK BLUES, SURRENDER (duet with Lisaf)

See you next R for K @ K's!

No Threat, No Worries

2010-05-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

It turns out Special "No-Threat" Glasses really liven up a Birthday "Performance". However averting one's eyes does not avert the threat of a case of the High Life Flu.

No Worries. A small price to pay for a outstanding K session. While Jimmy was off and Little Lord Not Jimmy was bartending, Jimmlet did her best to keep things light. Even donning the Special "No-Threat" Glasses for some candid bartending shots. The fact that she ripped one of the earpieces off was compensated by an excellent bandaid-aided repair job! (And by some complementary Watermelon shots for the Birthday Gal).

Nice rotation, lots of our group up on "stage". It was a Birthday Gal All Request Night - so lots of old favorites were "performed" according to her exacting specifications.

We were struck by the lack of Characters present... really only Jimmlet and Mrs. Jimmy! I think this means that after all this time we have become the local color (??!!)

Other things of note:

Hell has had a make-over. New Plumbing (hillbillied of course - with the requisite hillbilling it more by erecting a fence to keep the drunks from climbing all over the hillbillied plumbing).

Jimmlet is 42 going on 402.

High Life can take on a semi-solid, viscous form when extruded, playdoh-factory style, out of your pores the next morning while sweating your way to work in a thunderstorm on your bike.

The LINE UP

The Alien: CRACKLIN ROSE, I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, FATBOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with Rhonda)
Katie: WHAT'S GOIN ON?, CECILIA, THE HUMPTY DANCE
Mark: THESE EYES (eye-theme)
Dave: BRANDY
Ryan: KEEP ON LOVIN YOU, PRIVATE EYES (eye-theme)
Rhonda: 9 TO 5, FATBOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with the Alien), BABY GOT BACK (in answer to katie's Humpy Dance)
Chris: FOLSUM PRISON BLUES, OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE

See you next R @ K's for K!

Where have all the flowers gone

2010-05-03T14:54:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by HAPPY BIRTHDAY)

Little Jimmy's been gone
No Slim Gimpy so far
Marie?, Droopie? and Soft Hands?
Per'chance we'll see them this R?!

All in for K @ K's this R for R's K-Day?

Mrs Jimmy sees You

2010-04-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by HAPPY BIRTHDAY)
Toothless Jimmy likes You
Mrs Jimmy sees(?) You
Matchbox Kenny, Calls Rhonda
Creepy KG scares You!

K @ K's 3 Rs from now (May 6th)?

Remind Me Again...

2010-04-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by ROCK AND ROLL by LED ZEPP'LIN)

It's been a long time since the last Karaole!
It's been a long time since I seen the Hell Hole!
Ooh, remind me again, remind me again, remind me again
mm-baby, where I come from
(ooh-ooh hoosier-tuky that's what I'm talkin' about)
It's been a long time, been a long time
Been a long thirsty, thirsty, thirsty, thirsty, song-less time
(Yes, it has)

K next R (4/15) @ K's?

Something Someone Should Bring to Karaole's Attention

2009-12-16T16:01:00.000-08:00

If she is awake/coherent...

"A federal judge has ruled the owners of six Tucson Chuy’s Mesquite Broiler restaurants must pay almost $49,000 for playing songs without permission." -- Link

It Doesn't Matter What you Call Him

2009-12-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

It has been a while. Many things have changed in the world but few of them have occurred within Karaoles. There is one notable exception: while we have been away a new force has moved in. It describes itself by many names and riddles, but we are invited to "call me 'Z'". 'Z' seems harmless enough until he notices there's a "womans" among you. Luck would have it, we had such a womans tucked into our huddle of "mens". Perhaps that is what drew 'Z' to us: to many "mens" and in too small a space to not contain a "womans" (?!).

"Zuver=Chris", "The Count", "My Mother's the Orthodox"... it doesn't matter what you call him as long as you don't call him "Late to the Party". 'Z' likes to celebrate life and embrace it fully... regardless of whether you want to be embraced by 'Z' or not. And if you shy from being embraced, then he can do you one better... He will offer to buy you unwanted drinks! THAT is the kind of guy 'Z' is.

Don't feel bad for shunning 'Z' because... a. He will not notice that you are or at least act like you are. And b. there is always a party to be had somewhere else in the room.

Here's to you 'Z' - just stay over there.

Jimmy was conspicuous in his absence. He apparently is having trouble "gittin' his medicines right" according to Mrs. Jimmy. The Doctors are "tryin' to get the levels right". A lot of the medical technical stuff went over my head, but let's hope he is better soon and back at the helm.

Otherwise not an exceptional night... lots of EMO Thespian Hipsters. Some may have been in actual costume in addition to actual ironic costume. Lots of cross-decade fashion references where worn and lots of smirks were exchanged in their celebration.

Some guy "got the Led Out" - as Mr. Brett observed and attempted WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE with mixed results and even more mixed reaction from the "audience"

Also next week is the last week for K this year... Matchbox Kenny let us know several times. So no Kristmas Eve K for you!

Until next time, all you mens and womans take care... and avoid 'Z' at all costs.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: (chose to sit this one out)

Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out)

Ryan: (chose to sit this one out)

Mr. Brett: GHOST RIDERS IN THE SKY (inspired and well received choice)

Chris: OH BOY, OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE

See you next year at K's

Staring blindly into space

2009-12-03T07:32:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by 25 OR 6 TO 4 by CHICAGO)

Waiting for my chance to K
Searching for something I won't slay
Flashing lights against my eye
Giving up, I close my eyes
Should I try to sing some more?
December 10th and I've done three or four

Staring blindly into space
Going to Hell to splash my face
Wanting just to stay awake
Wond'ring how much I can take
Should I try to sing some more?
December 10th and I've done three or four

Feeling like I ought to sleep
Spinning room is sinking deep
Searching for something I won't slay
Waiting for my chance to K

December 10th and I've done three or four
December 10th and I've done three or four

Who want's to K NEXT R (this December 10th) @ K's

Should I Try to Sing Some More?

2009-12-01T10:39:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by 25 OR 6 TO 4 by CHICAGO)

Waiting for my chance to K
Searching for something I won't slay
Flashing lights against my eye
Giving up, I close my eyes
Should I try to sing some more?
November 10th and I've done three or four

Staring blindly into space
Going to Hell to splash my face
Wanting just to stay awake
Wond'ring how much I can take
Should I try to sing some more?
November 10th and I've done three or four

Feeling like I ought to sleep
Spinning room is sinking deep
Searching for something I won't slay
Waiting for my chance to K

November 10th and I've done three or four
November 10th and I've done three or four

Who want's to K NEXT R (November 10th) @ K's

Forget about the Bad Smells, Oh Yeah

2009-11-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

(inspired by HOLIDAY by MADONNA)

Holi-K Inebriate
Holi-K Inebriate

If we took a holi-K
Took some time to Inebriate
Just one night out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word
We're gonna have a celeKation
Even Jimm-let at
her Wench's Station
It's time for the good times
Forget about the bad smells, oh yeah
One night to drink together
leads to MIS-AD-VENTURE!
We need a holi-K

Which Rs work from Whom this Holi-K Season?

Speak now or no ekcuses later!

K Offically Kalled OFF This Week

2009-10-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

Due to lack of participation...

See you next R for K @ K's

So Far, Underwhelming Response...

2009-10-21T07:09:00.000-07:00

No one has said, "yes'em"

A lot of people of said, "no thankya, 'mam"

Something to Brag at Work About

2009-10-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

(inspired by STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER by THE BEATLES)

Let me put you in
cause a big group just came... in from Deerfield
They think it's a big deal
something to brag at work about
B96 songs forever...

Singing ain't easy in your Idol Pose
And surprise! Mariah Carey's hard to sing
It's hard to be someone you're not
but it all works out
No one's listening except me

Let me put you in
cause a big group just came... in from Deerfield
They think it's a big deal
something to brag at work about
B96 songs forever...

K this R @ K's anyone?

DUE TO LACK OF DEMAND

2009-10-13T06:46:00.001-07:00

We are waving K off until NEXT R...

There will be NO K this R @ K's

Next week, y'all!

Look for the hick with the light in his hands

2009-10-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS by THE BEATLES)

Picture yourself on a stool by a redneck,
With five or six beers and under done fries.
Somebody calls you, you walk up quite slowly,
A guy with a microphone "Hi"s.

Video letters turn from yellow to green,
Tell you you're lagging behind.
Look for the hick with the light in his hands,
And he yawns

Jimmy won't be shining his flashlight,
Jimmy won't be shining his flashlight,
Jimmy won't be shining his flashlight,
Ah... Ah...

Anybody up for K this R @ K's?

LITTLE LORD NOT JIMMY was NOT an Acceptable Alternative

2009-08-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

PROS:

Our good friend Dawn graced her with her presence... And she brought her "A" Game with her - inspiring us all to new "heights"

It was a singers' night for sure. There was "Us" and there was "Them". Where "Them" consisted of a Bachelorette Party attended mostly by Ladies Who Love Ladies (LWLL). At one point Ryan and I and some Random Guy (if he was a guy) were the only Guys in the Place.

Another big plus, was a LWLL makeout session straight across the bar from us. nuzzling... smooching... public fondling (I can only assume, because I immediately averted my eyes modestly once I grasped the direction things were heading). In solidarity I offered to be snuggled by Ryan, but I was not taken up on the offer

In anycase, as you can see below... It was at times, an embarrassingly tight rotation... one after another we went up there on a virtual Matchbox Kenny conveyor belt.

CONS:

No Jimmy - that is right, Jimmy was "off". Has been for the last couple of days. Could it be Jimmy is losing the passion for handing yuppies and privileged college-aged young adults their ironic blue-collar beers?!

Another CON: with no Jimmy, there was the incongruently fey bartender behind the bar in his place. I would have loved to at least get a CATFISH or a LIL'JIMMY but LITTLE LORD NOT JIMMY was not an acceptable alternative... At least MRS JIMMY was there to keep us entertained guessing which one of us she was talking to.

And of course all were missed who could not make it... You know who you are.

THE LINE UP
Dawn: 9-TO-5 (duet with Rhonda), LETS GO CRAZY (duet with Rhonda), DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA (duet with Rhonda)
Rhonda: 9-TO-5 (duet with Dawn), LETS GO CRAZY (duet with Dawn), DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA (duet with Dawn)
Ryan: RAINY NIGHTS, TORN, (A Current Popular Song Whose Title I do Not know - "Something" DEEPLY)
Chris: YOUR CHEATIN HEART, TIGER BY THE TAIL, THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN, RING OF FIRE

See you Next R @ K's for K

What YOU can do for your Country Music Inn.

2009-08-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

"And so, my fellow Ameri-K-ins: ask not what your Country Music Inn can do for you - ask what you can do for your Country Music Inn."

"Is you is or is you ain't my Kaby?"

Anyone going to be K-ing this R @ K's?

Lisaf and myself are IN... I believe the Kokat Wunder Tvins are IN

I believe the Alien is off-world so is OUT

Anyone else?

Don't ask questions in Hell

2009-08-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by LET'EM IN by PAUL MCCARTNEY AND WINGS)

Someones peein' on the floor
You can tell from the smell
Don't ask what THAT was used for
Don't ask questions in Hell
Do me a favor,
Open the door, let air in

Little Jimmy, Cornbread too,
And Slim Gimpy, Magoo-san!,
Gulf War Syndrome, "Southern Blade",
Close the door, don't let them in!.

Someones smearin' on the wall
What it is, I can't tell
Boy, I wish there was a stall
There's no modesty in Hell

Do me a favor,
Open the door and let air in.

Anyone interested in K this next R @ K's (August 20). Rumor has it that someone's Sista will be in the Act this next R @ K's

I Guess That's Why They Give Mark the Booze

2009-07-17T12:10:00.001-07:00

A duel event:
1. K @ K's on R
2. Mark's B-day.

Both compatible? Absolutely, I believe they both woke next to each other this morning... and ()... yeah... It WASN'T weird.

Arrived to a new and challenging K Konfiguration - sitting at the tables near the "stage" as apposed to cowering behind the far bar. All and all, the effect was novel if not down right pleasing.

Lots of new faces and lots of old faces. Jimlet was put to good use early, but reverted quickly to the standard Order-Straight-From-Jimmy model.

Not a lot to say, since Mark was the birthday boy a long snaking paceline of a rotation was established early and ruthlessly enforced by Matchbox Kenny

Highlights included Katie's doing "her best MJ".

Speaking of Katie - she captured the accompanying image in Lady Hell. I have edited the image for the Faint of Heart. I leave to your imagination what evidence of what accident was left concealed beneath my "WHOOPS!" sign.

Unfortunately, it was a short evening for me but I fear others spent much quality time at the mic doing what they do the best - "perform" other peoples' hits as faithfully as one can using a television and a really bad instrumental copy of that hit. That's entertainment!

THE LINE UP
The Alien: (Unfortunately missed his performance - though it might have occurred either in the future or the past, in any case I missed it being stuck in linear time)
Birthday Mark: I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE BLUES
Rhonda: LET'S GO CRAZY
Katie: (I think I must have been in Hell part of the time because I can't think of the title, but I know the performance was sincere and mold breaking)
Ryan: GLORIA
Mr Brett: SUBSTITUTE
Dave: THAT'S LIFE
Lisaf: IN MY LIFE (I'VE LOVED THEM ALL)
Chris: SOMETHING

See you Next R @ K's for K!

Look at THAT Clown

2009-06-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY by UNKNOWN)

Time to Kar-a-oke,
All jacked up on beer,
I sound like a dipsh*t,
but at least I'm sincere.

Standin' still counts for somethin',
not dancin' around,
I'd rather sound awful
Than look like _that_ clown.

Anybody up for K this, the next or the next next R?

Never Got One Minute's Of The Sleeping

2009-06-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

It was a pretty good night. Lot's of information shared with both Jimmy and Magoo-san.

The Alien has struck up an interesting relationship with Magoo-san. For some reason, Magoo-san has decided to allow The Alien to train him to follow orders and do little tricks and tasks for him. You can see Magoo-san dancing at the end of the Puppet Master's strings in the picture to the left (credit to Ryan for this most excellent "candid"). It is actually kind of adorable. The title of this post comes from his interpretation of PROUD MARY, which he only performed because The Alien ordered him to do it.

The Alien also ordered him to share what he did when he is not K'ing. Interest was peaked when we noticed he was wearing scrubs... Turns out he a Homecare Nurse (shudder). Paraphrasing Rhonda, his is not the face you would want to wake up from a comma to.

Marie update: According to Jimmy Marie opens the bar daily (11am). She is usually too drunk to be allowed to stay by the time Jimmy comes on duty (5pm) and she clears out. Still has the taste for Blackb'ry brandy it seems as well.

Met a new character last night as well - Toothless Lover. It is all in the name. He is not, in fact, toothless... he has couple of teeth. But the overall effect is "toothless". What he lacks in choppers he makes up in charm and dancing ability - taking all the ladies for a spin on the "dance floor" (the DMZ between "stage" and "bar"). Even our Rhonda was swept onto the "floor" - where she immediately proceeded to purposely collide with me during my "performance".

Matchbox Kenny has come up at least 2 notches in our books due his efficient and consistent moving us to the top of the list, maintaining, in his words, "the rotation" (!!). This was especially appreciated given the number of beyond Irony Hipsters that kept getting off the Northwestern Campus bus that must have started a route between campus and Karaoles. Sheesh!

It was a good night and I am looking forward to the Next R that we K @ K's

THE LINE UP

The Alien: PAINT IT BLACK, CRACKLIN' ROSE (duet with Magoo-san), I'M TOO SEXY (FOR MY SHIRT) (2nd duet with Magoo-san)
Rhonda: DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA, HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF, BABY GOT BACK
Ryan: DRIVIN MY LIFE AWAY, JEEPSTER, WHEN WILL I BE LOVED,
Chris: I SANG DIXIE, ACT NATURALLY, HERE COMES THE SUN
Magoo-san: CRACKLIN' ROSE (duet with Magoo-san), PROUD MARY, I'M TOO SEXY (FOR MY SHIRT) (2nd duet with Magoo-san)

Afraid to Stick My Head Out

2009-06-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by RIDING THE STORM OUT by REO SPEEDWAGON)

Hidin' in the Black Out
Afraid to stick my head out
In a dark barroom full of
Popstar hired Ninja
I'm layin on the floor
Hopin to make the door
I've been thinking about what
I'been writin' that I shud'nt have

{Refrain}
And I'm not seein' a thing
Damn all these Earth-a-lings!
Hidin' in the Black Out (4x)

K this R @ K's?

Back in Black: Come in, maybe? Half the neon, all the hillbillys!

2009-05-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

(First-person Account Provided by Guest Blogger Rhonda)

Let me set the stage... Alien and Ryan, please fill in the blanks...

So me and The Alien and Ryan are enjoying our beers and talking about how the Alien is writing a book (even though he's not) that Certain People want to get their hands on, thanks to the exclusive access the Alien enjoys to these Certain People and their Private Lives. Now we know from recent events that These Certain People have no problem taking out people who get in his way, so The Alien is feeling a bit spooked already and then, to make matters worse, he heads to Hell.

Ryan and I stay at the bar, enjoying our beers and a little Third Eye Blind ("do, do, do" song) when all of a sudden, power FAILURE! It was sort of like everyone at Karol's literally blacked out at the same time! All kinds of speculation ensued - car ran into a telephone pole, Certain People created a diversion to kill The Alien, The Alien peed on a power outlet, etc... but it turns out that some sort of transformer blew and the street lost most of its power.

Truly fascinating fact, as told by Biker Bouncer II: Something about how we were in half phase (werewolf?) and therefore only getting AC current, or is it DC? editor's note: there may be some truth to BBII's theories - Neon lights run on DC - more info: http://mysite.du.edu/~jcalvert/tech/threeph.htm In any event, the neon stayed lit to welcome and sooth Karaokers and we did our part to drink the beer before it got warm. I'm attaching some photos of the scene... I think you can see Certain People's henchmen lurking back at MB Kenny's station.

The neon continues its warm glowing warming glow

The darkened bar

Not giving money right now, come back later

Where are you, Matchbox Kenny?!

Come in, maybe? Half the neon, all the hillbillys!

THE LINE UP

The Alien: THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS, STACY'S MOM (HAS GOT IT GOING ON) (his pandering was rewarded with a unflattering new moniker bestowed by Matchbox Kenny)
Rhonda: (WORKING) 9-TO-5, (YOU PICKED A FINE TIME TO LEAVE ME) LUCILE
Ryan: FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS, GUITARS AND CADILLACS (breaking the Dwight Seal)
Lisaf: WORDS (BY MISSING PERSONS), RUBY TUESDAY
Chris: LOVESICK BLUES (Harry Carey's cursed, thin, dessicated, drunk, mummified and animated remains thought I sounded "just like the record". I asked him if he was sure his record player wasn't broken and he breathed crypt dust into my nostrils and ever since I have had a really bad scarab problem (??!!)), BLUE EYES CRYING IN THE RAIN
Floyd (my new hero): YOUR CHEATIN' HEART

It's Not for Me to Disparage

2009-05-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

[Inspired by BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO, by HARRY DACRE]

Jimmy, Jimmy,
Gimme me my High Life do!
Where is Mar-ie
I'm buying her a blackb'ry too!
It's not for me to disparage,
the practice of intermarriage
But you'll agree that "family"
Makes kids that cain't tie a shoe.

Any one Kare for K @ K's Next R (5/28)?

No Physically Uncomfortable Encounters

2009-03-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

It was the best kind of night... quiet... Jimmy at the helm... Mrs. Jimmy staring off into space and/or looking at me. Jimlet doing whatever it is that she does best... Matchbox Kenny (No KG) thus no physically uncomfortable encounters... ahhhh... relaxation. Even Magoo-san seemed homey and familiar. If only BikerBouncer, Joanne and Marie could have been there... I don't know if there is a Rock and Roll Heaven but they must have one horrible band if that is where Marie and Joanne are.

It was good to see the old band of Karaolers there and doing what they do best... consuming beer. Was it me or was the High Life especially Champagney of Beers last night? Lisaf was especially swaddled for the occasion wearing more than the usual layers of clothing for performance. Good thing - it turned out to be a handy Magoo-san-barrier.

Rhonda and Katie were there to make everything bright. Ryan was there to make everything even brighter

Alden (from now on forever known as "Ale"den to this blog - due to the endearing incompetence of Matchbox Kenny) and Kristen brought a sense of professionalism to our efforts. Always good to strive for more than you have previously achieved.. I guess.

The crowd was pretty low key and typical... Suburban Country Western enthusiasts... and trustfund hipsters... My favorite Hipsters were the Danzig-meets-Beach-Boys guy and the Suzie-Quatro-girl.

What can I say... nice tight rotations... not a lot of jamming... decent audience participation... just good clean fun.

THE LINE UP
The Alien: RING OF FIRE by JOHNNY CASH (claimed as a Brian I/Brian II mixup - I say "pandering!")
Lisaf: DREAMIN' by BLONDIE, VACATION by THE GOGOs
Rhonda: 9-TO-5 by DOLLY PARTON, SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO by THE CLASH
Ryan: LIDO SHUFFLE by BOZ SKAGGS (crowd pleaser), NEVER SAY GOODBYE by BON JOVI
Kristen: CALL ME by BLONDIE, HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF by DURAN DURAN - both LFA! (LisaF Approved!)
"Ale"den: I RAN by FLOCK OF SEAGULLS (LFA!), R.O.C.K. IN THE USA by JCM
Chris: OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE by MERLE HAGGARD, SIX DAYS ON THE ROAD by DAVE DUDLEY
Katie: (just missed her performance - but her Best Jagger is, in fact, THE Best Jagger - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdqMFxDyLMI)

See you next R @ K's for K

Keminder: K @ K's Tonight (3/12/09)

2009-03-12T04:41:00.000-07:00

see you tonight a K's for K

K @ K's Next R 3/12!!!

2009-03-05T11:24:00.000-08:00

not 3/17 as previously reported, sorry

There's a wrong way to tip our Jimmy,

2009-03-05T10:30:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY)

There's a wrong way to tip our Jimmy,
Be careful and move slow.
Choose the wrong way to tip our Jimmy
And take a thund'ring rain of blows!
Hello Rage-a-Billy,
Hello Flying Chair!
There's a wrong wrong way to tip our Jimmy!,
Choose it and be-ware!

K @ K's next R, March 17th?

Cultural learnings: be careful in the bathroom

2008-09-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

(More dispatches from the Future by the Alien)

Although redbox challenged my karaoke preconceptions(videoke!), the office restroom helped me get to know my fellow man a little bit better. It all started with a routine trip to the "comfort room" to relieve myself of some pressure. I had just come from a meeting, so I had a notepad and my blackberry. Since I needed my hands to take care of the business, I placed my stuff on top of the urinal.

Important cultural note: phillipino males do not flush when they finish their business. They flush before they start. Perhaps it's left as a "how do you do?" for the next visitor. Not yet fully acclimated to local tradition, I did not participate in the pre-flush.

Cut to slow motion: my blackberry begins falling from its precarious perch. I reach to break its fall, my notepad falls to the floor, and my blackberry plunges into a miso soup of my own making (and the guy before me). It sits there quietly next to the blue deodorizer that does seem to be the same around the world. My dignity is 13 timezones away as I realize that I can't just leave it there.

I fished it out as delicately as I could and rinsed it in the sink while trying not to destroy the delicate circuitry not designed for multiple underwater immersions, neither salt nor fresh. This leads to my next discovery - no paper towels.

With my dripping wet blackberry, I head to the "pantry" . Office life revolves around the pantry. Office policy prohibits eating at your workstation so the pantry is constantly packed with people who don't look like they're going anywhere soon.

Nothing is self serve, as there are three gentlemen lounging at a table waiting for someone like me to show up and ask for something. So I oblige and ask for a paper towel. One of the guys smiles and nods and returns shortly with a glass of water.

I don't think I'm going to get a towel.

Karaoke Pilipina

2008-09-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

(Special Report by The Alien from somewhere near Manila, The Philippines - some time and dimension near our own)

Typhoon Ofel is raging outside, and I'm nursing a headache from too much "videoke" and way too much San Miguel beer. It wasn't Karol's, but the next day felt the same. RedBox was Manila's answer to our favorite uptown joint. Imagine private rooms for your own karaoke enjoyment, but not the cramped boxes you see in the Korean and Japanese places. This was widescreen TV plus high-backed pleather spacious booth. If you don't feel like karaoke, there was also a poker table (bring your own cards and chips). Pick your songs with a handy remote (English, Philipino, Japanese, and Korean!). One of the other rooms had a pool table. This is full service, baby.

The song selection was... strange. Every Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow song you never heard before. If you want to find a song by the Clash, be sure to look under "T" for "The". I learned two local hits - Picuh Pizza (sung to the tune of I Will Survive) and I Love Manila. My team shamed me with their dead-on renditions of Umbrella, Always, some Spice Girls song, and some Paris Hilton song (although I didn't recognize the titles, I knew all the words).

But the best part was the video behind the songs. There was this blonde lady who showed up in just about every one of them. She always had a pensive/sad/missing absent boyfriend look. Sometimes she was sitting on stairs. Sometimes walking by the beach. I think she was dipping her feet in the pool at one point. If the lady wasn't in the video, then there would be montages of Australian beaches, the Grand Tetons, and the White House. But the most important part was that it had nothing to do with the song.

Somebody had a phone that could record movies, so unfortunately there is a grainy film of me just waiting to be posted online (my own zabruder). Trust me - you will not be getting a copy.

No zombie brothers, no Hell bathroom, no Jimmy-style southern hospitality. Just four hours of karaoke stylings, with the aftermath of Typhoon Nina waiting outside (her sister Ofel was due the next day).

Mind the Music, Plug your Ears

2008-06-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by YANKEE DOODLE)

Jimmy Doodle "went to town"
A-poundin' a drunk Yuppie
He struck the rowdy with his light
And called him "a damn yankee"
Jimmy Doodle, keep it up
Jimmy Doodle-Dandy
Mind the music, plug your ears
and light the girls you fancy!

A Kall has gone out to heed our "Patriotic Duty" and K this R @ K's
Who is a Patriot and who is an Evil Doer?

Hey, Where'ya Lookin',

2008-06-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by HEY, GOOD LOOKIN' by HANK WILLIAMS SR.)

Hey, where'ya lookin',
Cain't tell where'ya lookin'?
But How's about hookin' some High Life up for me?
Hey, there lady,
Don't you think that maybe
You could tell me which eye you're usin' to look at me?

I got 2 songs in and a 10-dollar bill
And I'm not close to drinkin' my fill.
There's High Life here and the next song could be me,
So can I order or are you even lookin' at me.

Hey, where'ya lookin',
Cain't tell where'ya lookin'?
Are you even lookin' at me Mrs. Jim-my?!

K this R @ K's?

K-Veteran, My Friend Rob, will be in town and is spoiling for fight

Who is up for K this R @ K's

A Series of Pathetic and Regular Attempts

2008-06-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

It had been a long time... some changes some similarities... New Bouncer. No handle yet... Jimmy there as usual as was Joanne... Jimlet... and to our surprise the resurrection of Matchbox Kenny as MC. Same ole' Matchbox Kenny.

Mostly it was a night of reminiscing and "performing" for our group. It was quiet at first and we got the first round in fast, but then the Jam kicked in and it was a long wait for round two.

We spent some time recalling all of our favorite past regulars... SLIM GIMPY, GULF WAR SYNDROME, IRISH (and regular) SOFTHANDS.

Katie joined us which was fun, hopefully she too will be sucked into a series of pathetic and regular attempts to draw attention to herself, as we all have done these many years now.

I apologize to Friends of Rhonda... but I have totally forgotten their names... I DID remember their performances though. Those were UNFORGETTABLE

THE LINE UP

The Alien: I WANNA BE SEDATED, FAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS (mega-harmonized duet with Rhonda)
Rhonda: FAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS (mega-harmonized duet with The Alien)
Friend of Rhonda 1: GLORIA (and here I thought Laura Branigan was the one to have recorded this...)
Friend of Rhonda 2: YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME BY MY NAME (His was the best version all night)
Katie: LAST TRAIN TO CLARKSVILLE (Monkees "deepcut" - well played!)
Lisap: UNDER THE MILKY WAY, PAPERBACK WRITER
Chris: YOUR CHEATING HEART, NORWEGIAN WOOD

The Cretins Drinking and Singing

2008-05-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by FLAGPOLE SITTA by HARVEY DANGER)

Been around the town and found
That only stupid people are K-ing
The cretins drinking and "singing"
And They don't even rehearse on CD!

Put me on the stage next to KG
And then you had to hear me
You told them all I was lousy
He cut me off - I'm a non-rotatee, Goddamn you

I'm not sick, that's how I smell
And I'm not full cause I've been to hell
I'm too drunk, to even tell,
That I prolly don't sing so well

K next R @ K's?

Frequent Adjustments of Seating Positions

2008-03-07T04:54:00.001-08:00

It was a long time no K - since early October. Big news: BikerBouncer has left to pursue other career opportunities. At least that is what we think we understand from Jimmy. All I know for sure is that Jimmy was on the bouncer stool and Jimmy was holding the big "hit them on the head" flashlight. We can also only assume that BikerBouncer's lingerie business has expanded to the point that he needs to devote his full energy to it.

The crowd was pretty "office party". However this one had a difference. They had, as the Alien pointed out, a "bizarro version" of each of us among them... There was an alarming amount of confusion and overlap of names being called to the mic... Mr Brett, The Alien and I were all called up only to find some bizarro us already at the mic trying to poach our performance slot. Quick wits and even quicker fists corrected any confusion anyone might have had about any performers' true identity.

After questioning Mrs. Jimmy, it turns out that Marie has a "trick knee" and is doing most of her drinking during daylight hours. Presumably something about darkness aggravates it.

Karaole's has had a small make over in the time we have been gone. I can only assume that the beer distributors have notice the drop in sales due to our absence and have decided to up the promotion budget for Karaoles. There were a number of new, bright and, frankly, yuppieish beer signs and chalk "menu boards". One beer sign was particularly garish and annoying. It features a background graphic of ivy and blares "Wrigleyville" in 8 inch neon letters. Wrigleyville!?

The distracting effects of the sign were quickly mitigated with repeated applications of High Life (and frequent adjustments of seating positions to avoid uneven tanning).

Other side note: We were fascinated by a news/human-interest story on the bar TV about a Microsoft dork/employee that has had a really unconvincing sex change and continued to pursue his relationship with the Asian mother of his child AND enjoy the use of Microsoft's Ladies Room! Will wonders ever cease?! At least that is what I think the story was about. Somehow enjoying this story without the sound heightened the Trans gender drama but might have lead to some erroneous assumptions about the particulars of the story.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: FRIEND OF THE DEVIL
Mr Brett: PAINT IT BLACK (now forever rechristened PAINT IT MATT)
Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out)
Lisap: VACATION (flashbacks to our recent GO-GOs concert)
Chris: SUNDAY MORNING COMING DOWN

Hope to see you all @ K's for K next R!

I've K'ed Ev'rywhere

2008-03-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE by GEOFF MACK)

I was staggerin' on up that long dirty beat up Clark Street road
When along came a van piled high with an e-lec-tronic load
If your goin' to Karaoles Kounty Musik Inn, Mack with me you can ride
And so I climbed in next to KG and then I settled down inside
He asked me if I'd seen a road with so many Intoxicans
And I said, "Listen! I've K'ed on every road in this here land!"

I've K'ed everywhere, man
I've K'ed everywhere, man
Places you wouldn't dare, man
Faced a sea of blank stares, man
Of failure I've had my share, man
I've K'ed everywhere

I've K'ed in:
Reno
Chicago
Fargo
Minnesota
Buffalo
Toronto
Winslow
Sarasota
Wichita
Tulsa
Ottawa
Oklahoma
Tampa
Panama
Mattawa
LaPaloma
Bangor
Baltimore
Salvador
Amarillo
Tocapillo
Barranquilla
And Padilla

I've K'ed everywhere, man
I've K'ed everywhere, man
Places you wouldn't dare, man
Faced a sea of blank stares, man
Of failure I've had my share, man
I've K'ed everywhere

K this R @ K's?

LATE BREAKING:

2008-02-28T05:10:00.000-08:00

NO K @ K's TONIGHT

Feel free to go if you like but I am not aware of anyone attending, including me (due to laryngitis).

Hopefully I will see you next R @ K's for K

All in Slow Motion

2008-02-26T04:23:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT by TINA TURNER)

You must understand
That to sing with a pretend band
Makes my pulse react
That I do this still
prolly means I will until
I do finally see that

It`s self-delusional
Really juvenile
I still try to ignore
That it just demonstrates that

[Chorus]
Oh - Most of - what I do is dumb, do is really dumb
I can see me shame myself, all in slow motion
Most of - what I do is dumb, do is really dumb
I need someone
To tell me just to sit down

K @ K's this R?

Our Only Real Competition was Droopy Dog and Joanne

2007-10-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

Nice evening... Two Conquering Marathon Stars were in attendance AND the Prince of Darkness himself, Mr Brett (unexpected thrill). Not a lot of people singing so we were able to run the board a couple of times. Our only real competition was Droopy Dog and Joanne. KG Jr. was looking pretty bored and withdrawn. The group felt maybe it was due to an interruption in his 'meth supply (he has been aliased as LIL'METH-HEAD as a result).

Despite it being KARAOLES BIRTHDAY, it was pretty low key. KARAOLE sang her typical COALMINER'S DAUGHTER and then slunk out with her sycophants.

A few new faces... there was a particularly drunk older guy who would randomly blurt out inappropriate topics to a distracted BIKERBOUNCER - I particularly remember "Cross Burning" being barked out as I slipped by on my way back from Hell.

Jimmy was there and reflected the general malaise... lots of standing around and staring off into space. Mrs. Jimmy was also staring off into space - at least with one of her eyes... I think.

After witnessing (and then as result feeling dirty after) a performance from two blonde tourists doing a really trashily inappropriate version of FEVER - no doubt inspired by their reaction to Rhonda's BABY GOT BACK, Lisap and I attempted to escape with some of our dignity intact. Others stayed behind to see what they could make of the pieces left to pick up.

THE LINE UP
The Alien (Marathon Star 2): FAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with Rhonda), CRACKLIN' ROSE
Mr Brett: SISTER CHRISTIAN
Rhonda (Marathon Star 1): FAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with The Alien), BABY GOT BACK
Lisap: OUR LIPS ARE SEALED, FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE (duet with Chris), CALL ME
Chris: FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE (duet with Lisap)

See you next week for K @ K's on R

Just Wait Until I Git You Outside

2007-10-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by BREAK MY STRIDE by WILDER MATTHEW and the CHICAGO MARATHON by RHONDA)

Last night I had the strangest dream
I drank way too much liquor, and I mouthed of to BikerBounder
And he said he hated to ask me to leave
Didn't want me to make a scene. "What does that mean?", And he said...

Ain't nothing gonna save your hide
Nobody gonna save you now, oh no
I'm gonna kick your a** now
Just wait until I git you outside
Your feet won't even touch the ground, oh no
Then you'll get your poundin'

Anybody up for K @ K's this R to celebrate R's finish of the CHICAGO MARATHON?

She Seemed Terrestrial Enough...

2007-08-31T07:51:00.000-07:00

Some New Faces helped spark some new enthusiasm from the Old Hands. A woman who didn't deny being The Alien Sister came in with The Alien. She seemed terrestrial enough... but... well you know, she would want us to think that. Very pleasant, very approachable and nice to talk to - hard to believe she comes from the same stock as the Alien... oh well. We spent a bit of time remanising with the Alien about some of his on-stage bloopers and times when he got the hook. It brought to mind the time I attempted PSYCHO KILLER forgetting that there is a lot of French and that I don't know French. Turns out the French parts are kind of important to the flow and continuity of the song. I think some of our stories might have discouraged The Alien Sister from attempting her own debut. Oh well, I say if you are going to enter a Show Business Career, you need to do it with both eyes open... nuff said

Rhonda brought some former and existing clients in order to impress them, I suppose. Of course no one can resist the charms of Karaoles and Karaoke. So I would say in terms of the impressing clients goal: Mission Accomplished.

Rhonda's sister, Dawn, made a triumphant return to the stage. It is always pleasant to see her. Dawn Fun Fact: Dawn aspires to be a Long Haul Trucker - apparently the fringe benefits are too great for her to resist.

It was a pretty crowded night. Jimmy at the helm, as usual - he was very quick to introduce himself to all the new lady-folk in our party - what a gentleman. BikerBouncer was poised to.. well *bounce*. There was a new bartender-in-training - taking the Mrs. Jimmy/Lil'Jimmy slot. Rhonda and Dawn gave him his own character name: "(I can't remember, but it was funny)". There was a new Jimlet too... I haven't seen her before. Maybe with all the gentrification going on around there they are trying to class up the place with some new blood. Unfortunately it seems that they still need to swim a little farther out in the gene pool... these new faces don't stray too far from the slack-jaw yokels that we have grown so accustomed to serving us and making our stay pleasant and safe at Karaoles.

Lots of tourists and parties. No obvious LWLLs or bikers - which was a bummer

Very few regulars... Karaole and her turnip nose was there. But that was about it.

Basically the level of play was pretty low... We did very little to raise the bar. The Bigtime Jam was on... so we left numbers on the table when we left at around midnight.

THE LINE UP
The Alien: SHOULD I STAY (OR SHOULD I GO)?, SWEET CAROLINE - pretty good reaction - not surprising since it was such obvious pandering
The Alien Sister: (chose to sit this one out)
The Alien Sister Significant Other: (chose to sit this one out)
Rhonda: DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA (duet with sister, Dawn - resulting in immediate Flashlighting from Jimmy!), BABY GOT BACK
Dawn: DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA (duet with sister, Rhonda)
Friends of Rhonda: (A Dixie Chicks song as a duet)
Chris: RING OF FIRE, LAY LADY, LAY

See you next R @ K's for K

I Seize Sometimes

2007-08-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

(Inspired By I WALK THE LINE by JOHNNY CASH)

I keep a close watch on this head of mine
and keep myself hydrated all the time
I keep an eye out for the warning signs
But 'spite my tryin', I seize sometimes

I find it very, very easy to lose my shoes
I find myself in the ER when I come to
No, I'll not admit that I already asked that a time or two
Because 'spite my tryin', I seize sometimes

But as sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep on blacking out, try as I might
And I only hope that its from some modest height
Because 'spite my tryin', I seize sometimes

It's got a way of hittin' my blind side
But I don't pause, I take it all in stride
It don't hurt, I'm out 'ere the ground and I collide
Because 'spite my tryin', I seize sometimes

I keep a close watch on this head of mine
And keep myself hydrated all the time
I keep an eye out for the warning signs
But 'spite my tryin', I seize sometimes

K this R @ K's?

Special K event: Sisters Performing Again!
Perhaps there will be a Devil Went Down to Georgia reprise!

Even Jimmy was Blushing

2007-05-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

Quiet night. Right off the bat I was conspicuously "ignored" by The Alien as he tittered away with BikerBouncer and Jimmy as if I was invisible... but I was SO not invisible...oh well... just let it go.

After feigning mock surprise at seeing me there in plain sight and rhetorically asking, "When did you get here?", Joe and Rhonda arrived. Things were quiet and we got in a quick round of two or three "performances" before the hipsters started filtering in. Just as Joe and Rhonda were leaving Alden swaggered in and a bit later, Lisap came in for a night cap.

There was this particularly annoying (for me anyway) Attentionholic who insisted on "performing" and "breaking all the K rules"... conspicuous dance-y embellishments... calling out to friends who were entering the bar during the MUSICAL BREAK (11 Measures). So very very annoying... I turned my back in protest.

After that there was some jamming.

New characters siting: "Mom and On Disability" - What I must assume is a Mother/Son Team... A pretty senior (oldest person in the bar) woman basically folded over in a bar stool and her non-verbal, hairy eared, middle aged, zombie of a son. They split a pitcher of Old Style. It was a sweet picture.

Carol was on a spiraling bender of some sort... FIRST: Her entire head is swelled and bursting with capillary flavor. SECOND: what little control she had over her speech was limited to Filthy Sex Talk. Example: "You know what I told that Mother%&*er?! I said, 'You better @57 that $(%%# and NO I am not going to @#^& that *&^^, So get the %&* out! You %&*in' Mother%&*er!'" Even Jimmy was blushing. It was literally awkward... and this is Karaoles remember.

She has traded down in Boy Friends too... the old one at least seemed to possess mostly human DNA... this one has had some significant losses and gains.

Mrs. Jimmy kept trying to push water bottles at her, but she just kept drinking double whisky shots and abusing us with filthy accounts of her Sex life ... It was r.o.u.g.h. - She may actually lap Marie in the Ruining My Health Race.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with Rhonda), CRACKLIN ROSE, ROCK THE CASBAH (proving again he is a The Clash specialist)
Joe: BUCKET
Rhonda: FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with The Alien)
Alden: (Chose to sit this one out)
Lisap: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS (she had to follow the Attentionholic but put her to shame)
Chris: ACT NATURALLY, HEY GOOD LOOKIN', MORE THAN THIS

See you next R @ K's for K

Drunken Masses Arise, Arise

2007-05-02T12:08:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by the INTERNATIONALE and May Day)

Arise ye drinkers from your slumbers
Arise ye "performers" if only in name
For reason in folly now thunders
And at last ends the age of shame.
Away with all your inhibitions
Drunken masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth the old tradition
That says that talent will win the prize.

So drunkards, come rally
And the Hillbilies let us face
The Kall of K @ Karaoles unites us in disgrace.
So comrades, come rally
And the Toothless ones let's face
The Kall of K @ Karaoles unites us in disgrace.

K @ K's This R?

UPDATED: The Justice League: Generation FeedBurner

2007-04-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Added Rachelle's blog post about this VERY SAME EVENING (see below in THE LINE UP)

A very interesting night. Lots of new people, lots of new "performers". It felt like the same Crime Fighting but with some New Faces sitting around the Superhero Conference Table - The African American guy with the power of time travel... the androgynous asian twins with the power of ???. These combined with the usual Superman, Batman and Scoobie Doo(??!!).

It was a slow build up... I arrived and was greeted by Jimmy in his usual sagely way. I made some idle chit chat with Jimmy and contemplated the scope and breath of the information contained on his belt a bit. Joanne, Mrs Jimmy, Jimmlet, BikerBouncer... felt like coming home.

Knocked back a couple before Paul and Kate arrived. Paul immediately ordered a Pretty Beer in a commerrative bottle.

Matt Shobe joined the ranks soon after. Then the flood of happy hour partyers from FeedBurner swaggered in with grand style.

Joanne had a few choice things to "peform" - the typical TEAR IN MY BEER, but also a couple other HW Sr. numbers as well.

No KG... but we were in the, what are becoming, capable hands of KG Jr. Though I had initial misgivings about "the mix" ("hot" monitors, "cool" PA), Alden straightened my out... If you hear yourself and you suck, you back it off and if you suck no one has to suffer if the PA is low... never thought of it that way. I always think I sound great...

It was a good singer's night, lots of audience but few Crime Fighters - there was some jamming later... but I think that had more to do with KG jr's relative inexperience.

Soon we were hitting the book hard and submitting the slips fast and furious. Joe and I set a early low bar with a "duet". Joe was definitley Moved by the Spirit last night. He let loose a barrage of "performances". I was tempted to ask Jimmy for the "rattler" he keeps behind the bar for such times so Joe could Take It Up and Prophesize.

Paul jumped in with a couple of inspired choices as well - demonstrating a flair for "performance execution"... but like all Great Crime Fighting Teams - It was all about cooperation and combining forces. The list of "duets" is dizzying.

I must say that the FeedBurner Generation of the Justice League can hold it's own.

My favorite Other Performer was a LWLLs who, with her powerful frame, was able to do a really suprisingly great baritone version of Queen's SOMEBODY TO LOVE.

And just when you thought you were too full for dessert... who to my wandering eyes should appear from the myst? MR BRETT. A great site for sore eyes... always a pleasure and a priviledge (and a naughty thrill) to dwell in his Presence.

Enough talk let's get to the line up

THE LINE UP

Kate: (Chose to sit this one out - special award goes to Kate for sitting through this spectacle Sober as a Judge)
Paul: SOMEONE TO SHOVE, CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'
Matt Shobe: CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA (duet with Traci), FOLSOM PRISON BLUES (sooey!)
Traci: CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA (duet with Matt Shobe), HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT, STOP DRAGGIN' MY HEART AROUND (duet with Joe)
Joe: STREETS OF BAKERSFIELD (duet with Chris), DAMMIT, LONG DISTANCE (YES, prog rock), BUCKET, STOP DRAGGIN' MY HEART AROUND (duet with Traci)
Alden: (Chose to sit this one out)
Rachelle: (Chose to sit this one out and concentrate on blogging the event)
Traci's Smaller Friend: (Chose to sit this one out)
Traci's Smaller Friend's Friend: (Chose to sit this one out)
Mr. Brett: (Performed, I am sure - but after my bedtime)
Chris: STREETS OF BAKERSFIELD (duet with Joe), THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN', HERE COMES THE SUN

It is entirely possible that I missed someone or something... it was a big group and it was past my bedtime.

See you next R @ K's for K!

To All the Songs I've "Sung" Before

2007-04-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE by WILLIE NELSON)

To all the songs I've "sung" before
To High Lifes that left me on the floor
I know I sung them wrong
but, I dedicate this song
To all the songs I've "sung" before

To all the songs who stung your ears
What was I thinking? Tears for Fears?!
I hope someone else'll drive
I just inhaled six High Lives
To all the songs I've "sung" before

The liquid courage is always flowing
I say, "no more" and then..
The liquid courage continues flowing
And I'm right back up there again

To all the songs I have "put in"
And may I say I've known _some_ of them
For helping me to show
How much my singing blows
To all the songs I've "sung" before

K this R @ K's?

The Term that Shares a Striking Simularity to the Word "BlockBuster"

2007-03-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

Well it has been such a long time. Not that anything had really changed. I have come to believe that Karaoles remains in a state of suspended animation when the door is closed. It springs to life once I open the door and enter. Everyone is frozen in their place... Jimmy presiding over the bar... Mrs Jimmy staring off into two points in space... BikerBouncer single cheeking a bar stool... Margret (Droopy) filling out song slips... you get the picture.

Rhonda was the first to "animate" them... She got there a bit early and took advantage of the time to get up close and personal with Jimmy... discovering what his commute is like and from where, etc.

Just as she was about to panic about being left alone in the "Gun and Knife Club" for more than enough time to be noticed by the regulars, we started trickling in. I sighted the Alien outside and used him as a pick to get past BikerBouncer... good thing because the Alien got us invited to the "Southern Rebel Blade Nation" mixer/fundraiser on 51st street - BikerBouncer was selling tickets. There are so many things wrong with the name of that organizaton that it requires no comment really.

It was fun to catch up with old friends and learn new interesting facts. After deciding that round two had to be the "gay-friendly set", Queen was settled on for the duet band for The Alien and Rhonda... I lobbied heavily for RADIO GA GA, but was out voted with FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS. Once this was decided, Mr Brett shared with us the "street slang" for what you call a mustache like Freddie Mercury sported. I won't repeat the term but the term shares a striking simularity to the word "BlockBuster". That term became the touchstone of the evening and the guaranteed cheap laugh getter - or puke inducer

It goes without saying that FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS was the crowd hit of the evening... the unmitigated moxy of that choice alone got a big round of applause. First the Harmonies of the openning were breathtaking and Rhonda's call to action: "GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" got it's own appreciative nod from us all. I think the scarey "ole'Gray Possum" at the bar that challengered her with "when are YOU going to get up there" on the way back from the Ladies' Hell got more than he was hoping for with their "performance".

THE LINE UP

The Alien: FOLSUM PRISON BLUES, FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with Rhonda)
Mr Brett: MAMMA TRIED, TOUCH ME
Rhonda: FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS (duet with The Alien)
Chris: BLUE EYES CRYING IN THE RAIN, RING OF FIRE

See you next R for K @ K;s

And Make Your Face All Warm

2007-03-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by ANOTHER SOMEBODY DONE SOMEBODY WRONG SONG by B.J. THOMAS)

Hey, it's Thursday. Want to.. per-form the ab-so-lute-ly wrong song?
And make your face all warm while you miss notes badly, while you miss notes badly?

Anyone one up for K this R @ K's

New Facets Added to the Karaoles Diversity Gem

2006-12-29T07:44:00.000-08:00

This was a hasty but surprisingly organized surprise outing - taking many by surprise. What it lacked in preparation time it gained in gusto. Rhonda had some things to celebrate and she was not shy about pursing it. Not only did she provide the occasion, she provided some new faces...Dave, Mark, Ryan and Jeff. Good men to have in a tight spot. Seasoned veterans with their own unique approaches and opinions... Karaoles is nothing without its commitment to Diversity and These Boys, indeed, added one or two new facets to Karaoles Diversity Gem.

Jimmy was reserved but watchful. Jimlet was not present on what turned out to be a pretty crowded night. A couple of office parties, a Birthday Party and a LLWLs table. Busy Up Front and in the Rear. Mrs. Jimmy had to fill in.

We hung back a bit to let the Birthday Party rotation burn itself out a bit... then we launched our own salvo. Even then we got our rotation jammed roughly. But it all turned out okay.

Really no Regulars... they must have been driven into the shadows by a pretty typical collection of Office/Birthday Party Tourists.

THE LINE UP
Mr Brett: SUSPICIOUS MINDS (big hit with the Parties)
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Rhonda: BABY GOT BACK (shameless and effective LWLL pandering - dirty dancers were inspired to... dirty dance)
Lisap: ONE WAY OR ANOTHER (classic stylings... no motion - eyes on screen. putting it all into the music - got a big reaction)
Chris: NORWEGIAN WOOD (crickets)

Congrats to Rhonda and Good to see ya Boys... Don't be strangers... hope to see you one of these Rs @ K's for K

The Island of Dr Kareau

2006-12-15T07:36:00.000-08:00

Overall a Quiet Night... I was greeted by a typically meth'ed up Little Jimmy with a HL thrust into my face the second I came in the door. You can say what you want about Lil'Jimmy but he has a memory like a meth'ed out elephant.

It having been a while, we were slow to warm to the idea of "performing" so we chatted in the back a bit and surveyed the book and the "crowd" leisurely while Mr Magoo-san entertained us from the Olivia Newton-John songbook. It was him and KG, Jr for at least 30 minutes - Interesting but unsustainable.

We did a quick rotation to sort of get back in the mood.

Then He (It?) was spotted. You know how animals are different than people? They have a different vibe... A little removed - less "engaged" in what is going on amongst us humans. Such an individual was spotted and clearly must have been concocted by Jimmy in his laboratory/kitchenette that he uses to create human/animal hybrids and orders of French Fries.

This individual definitely was crossed with some higher rodent. Ferret? Squirrel? Marmot? Unclear... his "hair" was "peltish" and sleek, shiny and shetland pony-colored with a unnaturally low hairline. His eyes were beady and his nose was Moist and Inquisitive. He appeared to be able to carry a conversation with his friend so he is at least 50% human or 50% hillbilly or a little bit of both. The overall effect was both frightening and alluring. Who doesn't want to pet a Squirrel but at the same time, who isn't convinced they will bite you if you try?

Basically we are now certain that Jimmy is cooking up humanimals in the bar... hence the renaming of Karaoles Kountry Music Inn to The Island of Dr. Kareau...

"It is a hard way, the way of being a man. Sooner or later we all want a thing that is bad. To walk on all fours. To suck up High Life from a bottle. To jabber, instead of saying the words. To go snuffling at the Songbook, and to claw at and bark into a microphone. To eat flesh, or fish. To make love to more than one, every which way. These are all bad things. These are not the things that men do. But we are men, are we not? We are men because Jimmy has made us men! " The Island of Dr Kareau by KG Wells

THE LINE UP
The Alien: THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS, SUNDAY MORNING COMING DOWN
Rhonda: THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA, 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Chris: KNOCKING ON HEAVEN'S DOOR, THE MAN IN BLACK

See you next time @ K's for K on R

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell K

2006-12-12T11:57:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by JINGLE BELL ROCK by BOBBY HELMS)

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell K
Jingle bells drink and jingle bells fall
Smokin' and coughin' up bushels of fun
Now the nightmare has begun

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell K
Jingle bells "sing" off jingle bell key
Standing and reading by Jingle KG
Someone better pick up Marie.

What a fine time, and it's high time
To K the night away
Jingle bell K is a swell way
To wish you hadn't wokeup, the very next day

Giddy-up people, pick up your "feet"
Karaole around the clock
Mix and a-mingle in the joint on Clark Street
That's the jingle bell,
That's the jingle bell,
That's the jingle bell K.

K @ K's this R?

I Hope It's World I'll Never See

2006-10-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by IMAGINE by JOHN LENNON)

Imagine there's no High Life
It's scarey if you try
No Hillbilies among us
Chromosomes in full supply
Imagine all the people
Without tooth decay.

Imagine there's no Jimmy
I know it's hard to do
No KG to feel afraid of
(And no Little Jimmy too)
Imagine all the people
Living without K

You may say that I'm alarmist
I hope it's world I'll never see
I hope this R you'll join us
And buy a "blackburry" for Marie

"Les Misérbillies"

2006-09-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

It had been a while, but as you might expect, it IS just like riding a bike... without the pedaling, and, of course, without a bike.

BikerBouncer, Jimmy, Mrs. Jimmy, Jimlet, Marie, JoAnn.. the whole cast was assembled and the production scheduled for that evening was "Les Misérbillies".

No KG OR Matchbox Kenny... but in their place were the Muppet Babies version of them - in the form of Lil'K to the G (KG's middle kid) and some guy that looked like the Muppet Baby version of Matchbox Kenny.

Old friends and new friends. Lisap and I arrived to be greated by Mr. Brett and his girlfriend Masha. Beers were shared, memories were made. Next came Joe and Rhonda at about the same time as the Sam Adams Beer Taster Guy (Sam Adams? Karaoles?!). Anyone who participated in a "taste test" received a bottleopener/keyring. Next in waltzed in The Alien as pretty as you pleased. And finally "Vlad". Vlad was promptly recruited to sing "backup" for an aggressive older guy who demanded to know if he had ever heard of Roy Orbison! Later the same aggressive older guy was seen to peform with an entire backing vocal group consisting of people who were not exactly sure where they were let alone who Roy Orbison was.

It was a very quiet and layed back night... the same 3 people sang 20 songs before we even got up there. Lots of older people. I think the Casino Bus got lost on the way to Joliet. We basically hung out, drank beers and "performed" not much else to report.

THE LINE UP
The Alien: RING OF FIRE (shamelessly effective pandering)
Mr. Brett: AMERICAN IDIOT (given the age of audience it was their first but enthusiastic introduction to Green Day)
Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out)
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Lisap: HELP (well received)
Chris: THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING (along with the key and time signature)

See you next R for K @ K's

You've Got to Know the Song You K

2006-09-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

(inspired by YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY by the BEATLES)

Here I stand mic in hand
With my back to the wall
forgot the song I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small

Back out there they all stare
As they drink their beer
I can see them point at me
And I hear them jeer

Hey, you've got to know the song you K
Hey, you've got to know the song you K

I can't try to deny
the state that I'm in
The last three, has left me
Three sheets to the wind

How could KG desert me
Leave me this-a way
I'll mumble on the rest the song
As I hear you say

Hey, you've got to know the song you K
Hey, you've got to know the song you K

K @ K's next R?

Interesting Urban Renewal Fact

2006-08-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

In keeping with the general yuppification of Uptown, the entire block across from Karaoles (across Clark to the West) has been feld by the wrecking ball. Now it is a empty lot of rubble. I assume a block of McCondos will rise from the ashes.

How is everybody doing?

2006-08-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

Long time no see

Meet Joe's Back

2006-07-21T05:41:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a story. A story about a Karaoke Guy you might think you know a lot about.

Then you may have thought you "knew" him after he "invited you in back" to lift up his shirt and give you a detailed guided tour of his recently, entirely tattooed back (lots of Dragons, "Ladies" and Wizards, quite stunning, actually)

But Even Then you Would Be Wrong.

You don't know Jack, about Joe.

So allow me to provide some background... deep background.

At first we were very happy to see KG... no neck brace... up there with a Lad we later found out much more about and turned out to be his "middle son" (after the first - conceived when KG was 17 and before the 14 year old "accident child"). Everything was looking like a good night - despite the well ensconced office party group Jamming the Heck out of the whole bar.

So KG comes back for his usual visit on his way out for a cigar smoke... when wouldn't you know it, he was in the mood to "chat"... actually "mood" is only part of the picture... perhaps he was more in a "mood swing" to chat. His biorhythm chart must look like our current "administration's" national debt curve, because, despite the lack of tell tale signs of substance abuse (more on that later), he was a raving, drooling chatter box.

Like fools, thinking that even KG would know about "boundaries" and "not freaking people out", we encouraged him with questions and friendly nods and the impression that we were listening to him... this first led to the afore mentioned Back Tour... but then progressed quickly, dangerously and unavoidably into "other areas".

Here are the Chronological Facts (arranged and sorted by me... because they were related in a loopy non-stop rant that had no apparent point or direction)

o KG is Born
o KG is a unruly undisciplined boy
o KG gets involved in Drugs
o KG begins "Hustling on the Street" to pay for Drugs - not male prostitution... more like selling government cheese... Pseudo-legal phone/cable installations, etc.
o Quits School in 10th Grade/Fathers First Son (not sure which led to which)
o Continues to "Live on the Street" in order to stay Drunk and High
o Begins series of random jobs... Delivery Driver... Short Order Cook...
o Learns FIRST LIFE LESSON: KG can get a job anywhere and can always squeeze money out of a situation... (his relating this to me inspired him to share a little funny exchange between him and the "middle son" - After complaining about having no money, KG challenged the Lad in the following way, "You and Me both quit our jobs today... night now... and I bet you by tonight, I will have money in my pocket and you will not" I think his point was made because Middle Son decided to pass.
o KC gets fired from Delivery Job for cussing out his boss... ironically his current Boss.. (more on that later)
o wanders into restaurant... Drunk Proprietor offers KC cooking job... 1 Month later he is running the place for him. His wife is a waitress there and they like the 3rd shift cause they can "do all kinds of crazy shit"
o Learns SECOND LIFE LESSON: KG is Born Leader and Troubleshooter - I would have to say, seeing how he handles himself in a variety of potentially terrifying and life ending situations @ K's, I have to agree with him.
o KG begins to turn his life around at about 30 - admits he is an Alcoholic and General Substance Abuser and quits - inspiring his "To Thine Ownself Be True" tattoo - some where in there has a another couple of kids
o Goes back to cursed out Boss and starts as Driver
o Using his Life Lessons, quickly becomes an Expediter
o Becomes Manager of Machine Shop... "turns it around" making it a profitable venture again
o Learns THIRD LIFE LESSON: Treat people with respect and honesty and they will work hard for you.
o Based on successes at Machine Shop, approaches Boss with request for promotion/raise... boss refuses... KG calmly explains to him that if he doesn't that KG will walk. Boss thinks about it and relents
o Learns FOURTH LIFE LESSON: "Make sure it isn't your balls in the vice, make sure you got the other guy's in the vice"
o Based on Success at Machine Shop is offered opportunity to turn around Plating Shop - KG accepts
o Learns business quickly and cuts costs by renegociating or finding new suppliers, fires dead weight employees and challenges remaining to "work hard and get raises" or join their recently fired colleagues.
o Learns FIFTH LIFE LESSON: KG can learn any business and that even though he is not a HS graduate, he knows more than most business people because what he learned he learned from the Street and it all applies.
o KG learns Plating Business (did you know that you have to filter the solution in Chrome Baths every six months or your plating will be pitted?... not so pitted than just anyone can see it, but after you are in the business a while you can spot a little pit a mile away)
o KG continues as VP of Plating today... "You can print ASSHOLE on my business card just as long as you pay me the salary I deserve"

There you have it... You have Met Joe.

Actually, other than the repeated violations of my personal space, and the uncomfortable transitions as people fell away from listening to his ravings, I found the whole story very inspiring and, in retrospect, interesting... reminded me of many of my relatives' personal stories and sort of made me nostalgic and home sick.

Well anyway on to other matters... Lil' Jimmy was behind the bar and instantly remembered all our drink orders and was inappropriately Loud with us... so we immediately shunned him... I was sure Jimmy himself was going to throw him out because Lil' Jimmy was way way too stimulated... but I guess Jimmy was stuck because Mrs Jimmy was no where in sight.

Not a lot of regulars... but I have to say my view was mostly obstructed by KG's Babbling Head most of the night.

KG came through for us though, vaulting us to the front of the line by running up and bullying his son into changing the rotation order.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: STACY'S MOM (HAS GOT IT GOING ON). (real drunken crowd pleaser.. pandering of the most high order)
Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out in order to avoid KG - but no such luck)
Joe: (chose to sit this one out in order to avoid KG- but no such luck)
Lisap: I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL (another drunken crowd pleaser - she really nailed this - making it her own... again)
Chris: LAY LADY, LAY (met mostly by yawns and the realization it was time to look for the barmaid for drink orders)

Until next R have a good week and see next R @ K's for K!

No, You Can't Prove That Laws Were Broken.

2006-07-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

(inspired by DADDY SANG BASS by JOHNNY CASH)

I remember when Sadam had Bagdad,
times were hard and things were bad.
But there's a silver lining behind every cloud.
Just rich white people, that's all we were.
Trying to drill and sell oil out of other people's dirt.
So we got some "threats" and got on on TV singing loud.

Chaney sang bass,
Rummi sang tenor.
Condi and Little Georgie joined right in there.
Lying seemed to help us get the oil.
One of these days and I know we can.
like Iraq and Afganastan.
We're gonna start to sing about Iran.

No, you can't prove that laws were broken.
By and by, Lord, by and by.

Any interest in K @ K's this R?

Staying on the Horse

2006-07-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

It was a relatively quiet night... I was immediately struck by the absence of BikerBouncer - some new guy I never saw... he fit right in, of course with his generally biker presentation.

Lisap, The Alien and I all arrived at about the same time and settled back to catch up and survey the scene... smattering of hipster tourists and some of the regulars. So we leisurely put in a round knowing that we probably wouldn't be staying long. We basically got a rotation after the Hipster Tourists got theirs (HIGHWAY STAR, (the Theme from) CHEERS, etc.) and a Lone Wolf guy that "performed" CREEP by RADIOHEAD. I have to hand it to him he Stayed on the Horse the whole "performance" - he may have had to grab the saddle horn a few times but he rode it out.

It was starting to fill up and since Matchbox Kenny was at the wheel we made a pact to skidaddle once The Alien finished his Energy Food Pod... The nail in the coffin might have been the Duet of MAKING LOVE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT (two of the chubbier hairier Hipsters). We left knowing for sure that if there was an Oscar for Karaoke we would have won "The Best Three Performances in a Row" category

As I said, a short mostly uneventful night.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: RING OF FIRE (shameless but effective pandering of the highest order)
Lisap: HELP (the "audience" really got into this one )
Chris: YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY (crickets... *chirp**chirp**chirp*)

Hopefully I will see you all @ K's for K next R!

It's too late, maybe, can it be too late?

2006-07-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by IT'S TOO LATE BABY by KARAOLE KING)

Workin on my computer just lost track of the time
There's something wrong here, there's been no Kall for K'ing
I guess I am lazy, or maybe I've just stopped trying

And it's too late, maybe, can it be too late?
Though I really did try to make it
Though I may cry, you'll sigh, "We'll give it try"
And you just won't make it.

I know this IS R, but anybody up for K this R (today) @ K's?

Haven't Died

2006-07-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

Just letting everyone know I am still here

Hillbilly Karma Sutra

2006-06-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

Well this was more like it... The place was basically empty except for one tentative office/birthday party. Jimmy was firmly established behind the bar and there was no sign of trouble anywhere.

By the time The Alien arrived from his XBOX/DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION Installation, things were ready to leap out of the starting gate... for one rotation it was basically us, Matchbox Kenny and the most bold and dramatic of the office party. It was an easy, layed back vibe.

Too easy and layed back as it turns out because our apparent disregard for our lack of "singing" and "performance" ability emboldened the office party to flood Matchbox Kenny with a tsunami of requests. Effectively JAMMING us until 11pm.

Luckily Joe came in about that time with some Fun and Games in the form of Joe's childhood friends (and brothers!), Ebin and Asher. Just what our little party needed to bring it to that next level... Ebin coming from the Far East (Philippines) and Asher coming from the Nearer East (Hawaii), brought a much needed international perspective on the "performance" and the "drinking of shots and beers". Asher shared many of Ebin's unusual habits and predilections to all assembled for our collective entertainment, then graciously proceeded to knockover a HL and spill it down Ebin's back... Oh did we have a time.

As Minnesotans and as Brothers, these two are knaturals... Ebin even "left one on the table" when we hightailed it out of there around 11:30.

The Alien had a wonderful Idea... in order to Avoid the JAM we can put in slips with random names... That way he will not know who to JAMM. Assign any old name to each slip given to Matchbox... We were leaning in a CompLit direction by imagining names from Great and Obscure Books... I plan to use "Stephan Daedalus" at my earliest convenience.

Jimmy was in high spirits... relating to us that he had received his belt (the Hillbilly Karma Sutra one) from an acquaintance of his residing in "the Penitentiary". We immediately began to speculate and entertain ourselves with what practical purposes Jimmy applied his belt to.

THE LINE UP
The Alien: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO (NOW)?, CITY OF NEW ORLEANS
Joe: STREETS OF BAKERSFIELD (duet with Chris)
Ebin: ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTES
Asher: (As designated driver, he chose to sit this one out)
Chris: THE WEIGHT, STREETS OF BAKERSFIELD (duet with Joe), LOVESICK BLUES

I will not be at K next R @ K's... I will be taking a vacation from "performing"

450 Parts per Million and Rising

2006-06-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by 5 FEET HIGH AND RISING by JOHNNY CASH)

How high's the CO2, Experts?
"450 ppm and risin'"
How high's the CO2, W?
"Global Warming estimates need revisin'"

Oil men are the last to care
They'll sell it just as long as we leave them there
Time to elect someone new or we ain't got a prayer,
500 ppm and risin'

K this R @ K's

As The Alien puts it... time to take K's back.

When the Going gets Weird, I get Going.

2006-06-09T10:47:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like about Karaoles is that it has always just avoided degrading into an annoying COPS episode. While all the elements are there - liquor, Stonewash, Toothlessness - it has somehow avoided the obvious potential decent into viciousness.

However, I guess it was only inevitable that a "perfect storm" of events would lead to a Fall.

1. Karaole - (as she was quick to remind everyone within earshot) the owner of Karaoles - had been there quite a while when we wandered in.
2. Jimmy - the natural stabilizer - was NOT there. His bartending duties taken over by Catfish - a good man, but no Jimmy.

I should have known trouble was in the air from the nervous mood of BikerBouncer. He was carding everyone - even people that he never cards - "The Boss is here... so I gotta card everyone".

The second sign of trouble was the general mood of Karaole and her Posse of Male Sycophant Boyfriends. They were over served and over confident... and in possession of an edgy pack mentality. "It's okay... we are with the Owner!" So when one of the Sycophants started victimizing Jo-Anne (TEAR IN MY BEER)... jumping up on her lap in her bar stool trying to kiss her and breaking the stool it was not fun but not a surprise. It went on way beyond the point where it was merely uncomfortable and progressed into Prosecutable. BikerBounder was powerless - especially since minutes earlier Karaole had been drunkenly repeating about 20 times that, ".. I OWN this damn bar... I can fire anyone here.... any of you all here... I can FIRE!"... In fact she was cheering on the sycophant... all BikerBouncer could do was look on sadly in disgust and repulsion... Jimmy would never have allowed it.

To top it off Karaole swaggered up several times to "perform" to howls and grunts from her sycophants... including an actual pole dance in appreciation from Jo-Anne's sexual assailant...

We could only pretend not to notice (in order to avoid being victimized ourselves) and hope that cooler heads would prevail.

It was just a plain mean vibe... One of the only bright spots was the unexpected arrival of lisap

It went from weird to terrifying when Lil'Jimmy entered obviously Amp'ed way too far up... I am guessing he had some kind of chemical help there (The Alien asks, "Meth?"). That was the last straw for us... when the Going gets Weird, I get Going.

Well now we know what we always expected: Jimmy is the only thing holding our Social Fabric together and keeping us all from descending into Chaos.

THE LINE UP:

Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out)
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Lisap: (chose to sit this one out)
Chris: (chose to sit this one out)

See you next week for K @ K's on R

The Rich stay Drier

2006-06-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by THE RING OF FIRE, by JOHNNY CASH)

Race Is A Funny Thing
Some "find" others are "looting"
Stranded as the Water got higher
So I took what I require'd

CHORUS:
I sat in the dark and perspired
As the levees came Down
And the Guard started firing

The City Drowns, Drowns, Drowns
Excuses pile Higher
The Rich stay Drier

Anyone up for K this R @ K's?

The Forced to Eat'em Blues

2006-05-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by FOLSOM PRISON BLUES by JOHNNY CASH and The Alien)

I hear that toilet flushin'
It's rollin' 'round the bowl,
I won't be seein' my bible,
Since, they flushed it down that hole,
I'm stuck in Gitmo Prison,
And they keep feedin' me
though I told em I don't want to,
through a tube - forcibly.

When I was back home workin',
My neighbor told Uncle Sam,
"That there boy's a 'rebel'",
But a farmer's all I am
But they put me on a transport,
with a bag on my head,
When I heard I was in Gitmo,
I knew I was as good as dead.

I bet there's other poor men
That got it worse than me,
They've probably been "renditioned"
to some black hole overseas,
I never had this comin',
Why cain't I be free?,
But these people keep a-sayin',
I'm the enemy.

Well, if they freed me from this prison,
I wonder what I'd find,
I bet my family's all been taken,
and my fields have all been mined,
Far from being grateful,
For "liberating" me,
If its a "rebel" that they want, well,
Thats' alright with me.

K @ K's this R?

Too Bright and Way Too, Too Much Fidelity...

2006-05-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

Well it was one of those nights that starts slow and intimate then balloons into loud and Office Party-ish. BikerBouncer had a cake that none of us had the courage to refer to for fear he might offer us a piece - Happy B-Day Biker "Larry" Bouncer.

Other big news... KG the KJ ("Karaoke Jock" as The Alien describes it) was back and at the helm... no Matchbox Kenny... so the Ship was muchly tightened. Unfortunately KG has little or no feeling in one of his Hands - so back under the knife he goes. At least he is out of the "halo" kneck brace. I am wondering now if maybe his medication is a bit off... because, as "performers", we had some serious issues with the sound "mix".

As only a "performer" might appreciate, you want to hear yourself only enough to know vaguely how bad you are embarrassing yourself... but not _precisely_ how much you are embarrassing yourself...

You ALSO want to be able to hear the music and background singers so you have a vague notion of where you aren't in the song and what key you aren't in.

Unfortunately everything was reversed. I swear I could hear my own heartbeat coming back to me from the "mic monitor". Breathing anywhere near the "mic" created a painful blast of sound coming from the ceiling-mounted speaker just to your left - you can imagine what "singing" sounded like... too loud... too bright and way too too much fidelity...

ALSO I could hear it, but the "audience" could not... based on the "positioning" of the "speaker"

ALSO, I could bearly hear any of the music - but the "audience" could...

This created a interesting effect when "heard" from the "audience"... An incredibly quiet, tentative "performer" that had absolutely no idea where they were. I could see it in even the most seasoned, brash performers... That PROUD MARY girl was there and she is annoyingly fearless and she was as tentative as first timer. Even MAGOO-SAN was temporarily confused - only temporarily because his style requires no adherence to the actual "number" in the first place so his confusion was more having to do with being forced to listen to himself for a change.

Well enough complaining... a good time was had - Jimmy booed MAGOO-SAN with a harsh, cruel vengeance (even for Jimmy)... heartwarming times. JOANNE melted the assembled crowd's hearts with I TIP MY HAT TO YOU, etc.

THE LINE UP
The Alien: PAINT IT BLACK (Ignoring the "mix" challenges and putting in a office party cheering performance)
Lisap: PAPERBACK WRITER (transcending the sound problems... She does it better live than the Beatles did)
Chris: ALISON (my aim is definitely NOT true)

Hope to see you all for K @ K's next R!

I had a Dream I had an Awesome Dream

2006-05-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

(inspired by SAY YOU, SAY ME, by LIONEL RICHIE)

K two, K three; K it for hours
That’s the way it should be
K two, K three; K it together
Duet-tily

I had a dream I had an awesome dream
People in the bar "cheering" me on the "stage"
But that they "cheered" me was a my mistake
I was just drunk and confused, why am I still doing this at my age?

K two, K three; K it for hours
That’s the way it should be
K two, K three; K it together
Duet-tily

K @ K's on R?

The Bad Weather Keeps the Riff-Raff Out... and IN

2006-05-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

Seemed like it had been a while, but it seemed like old times... There's Marie... There's Droopy... There's Jimmy's Wife... Jimmlet... Jimmy, the Rock, the Patriarch of course... BikerBouncer (bouncing back nicely from his Groin Pull). Speaking of BikerBouncer, his Birthday is next R @ K's for K, so mark your calendar - He asked me in a very concerned tone whether we were "going to take care of him" - so unless you want to see BikerBouncer uncared for you better show! Next R @ K's for K might be the last time you see him for a bit owing to his upcoming, deserved Vacation. The Alien might have more to add... I noticed he was huddled with him for quite a while down at the end of the bar at the Bouncers' Station.

Big party (somebody brought their Mother?! Who does that!?) - so with Matchbox Kenny at the COM that meant the Big Jam. However once we got into the rotation, we all got to go serially... like we prefer it.

One of the first people up there was a Toby Keith-alike complete with muscle shirt and painstakingly bent and customized "cowboy" hat. Come on... Brokeback Mountain has been on DVD for months now... we see right through that "tough" exterior, Girlfriend!

Other than that... as Rhonda put it, "The bad weather keeps the riff-raff out... and IN" K's... It was a good relaxed evening - no real run ins or close calls.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: CRACKLIN' ROSE (shameless and magnificent pandering)
Mr Brett: YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME (BAD NAME) (Big Hit with the Big Party)
Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out)
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
LisaP: IMAGINE (sometimes a single "performance" can change the course of history)
Chris: JUST LIKE A WOMAN (but I "perform" like a little girl)

Remember K @ K's on Next R is BikerBouncer's Birthday and we'll all get to take care of him!

That there's Jimmy's wife

2006-05-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

(Inspired by THE FARMER IN THE DELL)

It's time to go to Hell
It's time to go to Hell
This High Life has got to go
It's time to go to Hell

That there's Jimmy's wife
That there's Jimmy's wife
How she sees, I don't know
That there's Jimmy's wife

KG hurt his neck
KG hurt his neck
Stick in a cadaver bone
KG hurt his neck

K @ K's on R?
K @ K's on R?
Hi-ho, 'nother faux-mo
K @ K's on R?

If you suck no need to fear

2006-05-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

Enie Menie Miney Meer
Pick a song and chug that beer
If you suck no need to fear
Enie Menie Drink more Beer

Just a reminder, I will not be @ K's this R for K... I will be traveling

An uncanny ability to force other guys' dates to have shots with him

2006-04-28T06:09:00.000-07:00

It has been 2 or 3 weeks since we had been @ K's for K on R and don't think it escaped the notice of BikerBouncer! We were greeted with a warm, "Where have YOU two been?!" Then we were brought up to speed with some of the doin's in his life - particularly the details of his, to here him put it, "very painful" groin injury. So painful that not only is he working a reduced schedule at K's (Tues and R but not Friday, Friday would be "just too much"), but he is working a reduced schedule at home too! Apparently Mrs. BikerBouncer has been sleeping alone since the injury and she is none too happy about it.

The Alien found out that Mrs. Jimmy is taking the week off to take care of some things... but no fear Jimmy (out of sling and in just a wrist brace) was there along with, a personal favorite of mine, "Catfish" behind the bar.

We planned to ease back into K in order to avoid a similar injury to BikerBouncer's - so we took it easy... good thing too because Matchbox Kenny was having technical difficulty... Many reboots of the Sound Machine were necessary - complete with worried calls on the cell phone (presumably to KG) and many visits of the Windows XP boot screen to the "audience TV".

Once things got going they really got going... there was an extremely drunken, bday/office party that was slow to get moving, but as soon as they got a load of our "performances' they lurched into action - you guessed it - completely JAMMING us. We left a rotation on the table because if we know anything about Matchbox Kenny, he can not manage a full request board.

There was one new character there, I doubt we will see him again. He wore a sort of generic "red pride" tshirt advertising some native american extraction but he was so big that he could have been anything... I am pretty sure he was human but beyond that is anyone's guess - lets call him Man-Thing for now. He was very loud and appeared to have a way with the ladies (if that is illustrated by an uncanny ability to force other guys' dates to have shots with him). He appeared to have not only an affection for the women of others but an affection for a guy we have seen at K's a lot and I am not sure has a handle... he is red-headed, big, always wears tanktops and always wears an american flag bandana on his head, biker/pirate style... Let's call him Brother-In-Law. Any way we were taking wagers how long it would take Man-Thing and Brother-In-Law to progress from "I love you man!" embraces to full on Make Out. Too big sweaty guys wrestling/necking is a sight to behold - at least one that is hard to pull your eyes away from.

The bday/office party had a thing for Ironic Vintage Metal... FEEL THE NOISE, DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP, etc. cute but so so done.

The LINE UP

The Alien: FOLSOM PRISON BLUES (always a hit with bday/office parties)
LisaP: MR. BRIGHTSIDE (Lisap does contemporary hits!... she hit it out of the park.. nailed it dead on)
Chris: LAY LADY, LAY (got a compliment from the guy who did COMING TO AMERICA in Hell/the Men's Room - not sure how to interpret that really)

I will NOT be@ K's for K next R... I have to collect the Prodigal Son from College.

How could you punish my head so thoroughly?

2006-04-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

(inspired by MONDAY MONDAY by THE MOMAS AND THE PAPAS)

Rsday Rsday, so bad for me,
Rsday Rsday, I drank beer until I couldn't see
Oh Rsday eve'ning, Rsday evening I couldn't guarantee
That Friday morning would come without a trip to the Emergency.

Rsday Rsday, can't trust that day,
Rsday Rsday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Rsday eve'ning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Rsday Rsday, how could you punish my head so thoroughly?

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Rsday comes, but whenever Rsday comes
You can find me "singin'" all of the time

K @ K's this Rsday?

You make me happy when life's too tuff

2006-04-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

(inspired by YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE by JIMMIE DAVIS)

The other night beer, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my hands
But when I awoke, beer, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my HighLife, my only HighLife
You make me happy when life's too tuff
You'll never know beer, how much I love you
Please don't leave 'cause I can't get enough

K on R @ K's?

Karaoke keeps the customers singing

2006-04-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

I will DEFINITELY be stealing that "cord around the hand" move!

http://www.suntimes.com/output/entertainment/wkp-news-karaoke14.html

Smoking cigarettes and gettin' over the flu

2006-04-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

(inspired by FLOWERS ON THE WALL by THE STATLER BROTHERS)

I keep hearing you're concerned about my hep'titis
But all that thought you're giving me is just fear, I guess
If I were standing in your shoes I wouldn't worry none
While you and your friends are worrying 'bout me, I'm gettin lots of drinkin done

Drinking all day here alone
What's the point of going home?
Spending all my pay - and then - bumming more from that A-li-en
Smoking cigarettes and gettin' over the flu
Now don't tell me I've nothing to do

Anyone interested in joining Marie for K this R @ K's?

'Til those movin' words stop scrolling by

2006-04-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

(inspired by WE'LL MEET AGAIN made popular by Marlene Dietrich)

Let's say, "hello" with a beer, dear,
But just for a while, dear, for we must "sing".
Don't let the "performance" upset you,
I'll not "sing" again, sweetheart.

We'll K again, I know where, I know when,
I know we'll K again, this smokey R.
Keep "singing" through, just like you always do,
'Til those movin' words stop scrolling by.

Will we K again this smokey R @ K's?

Night of 1000 Fauxmosexuals

2006-03-24T12:17:00.000-08:00

As I struggle to decipher my notes from last night, I am struck by how foggy my memory of the evening actually is. I am not sure what to attribute that to. There was a kind of "wildness" in the air - the "natives" were definitely whipped up.

Like most nights at K's new friends were made. I immediately fell in with an Hombre who was very "over served" by the time I got to him... He assured me several times that he was not "hitting on me" with his numerous attempts to "get some conversation happening". I took no offense but felt it was best to not encourage him too much so I pretended to be asleep. I think it was a good decision since later he was seen dancing and embracing with a guy the BikerBouncer ultimately had to "deal with" - more on that later.

Once The Alien came in he drifted to the background - later moving to more fertile territory at the other side of the bar.

Things proceeded pretty normally for my first "number" but things started to boil over at about the time that.

1. KG showed up and announced that he was 40 years old
2. The Alien launched into his version of SWEET CAROLINE

The Alien's subtle combination of song craftsmanship and alien mind control compelled two, up to this point, unseen "regulars" to dance and caper about as The Alien's Own Private Man Dancers. It got a little weird and then it got a whole lot weirder and then it got ridiculous. Even jaded KG seemed a bit taken aback by the vim, vigor and enthusiasm displayed by what looked to all of us, as an ordinary handful of paunchy middleaged white men... boy were we all wrong!

In the glow of the post performance there was much joy and affection shared while all basked in the new man-on-man-tolerant atmosphere... KG even offered to enter into a man/man relationship with The Alien. The Alien made it clear he wasn't interested... we suspected that KG was only kidding anyway since he made it clear he only preferred the "pitching" position. In any case it was the Night of 1000 Fauxmosexuals

We were all so taken aback that other boundaries were dissolved... we entered into what some might even consider a "conversation" with a couple Slim-Gimpy-quality party girls that were just as amazed as we were... They were soon distracted by the Loyola University Janitor that soon began to grope one of them incessantly and communication ceased at that point.

Things would have been fine and dandy if not for one final development

3. Rhonda launched into her version of BABY GOT BACK

While things had merely been ridiculous before they quickly became threatening and dangerous as paunchy Man Dancers crowed Rhonda out of the prime "performing" position - causing Matchbox Kenny to actually have to defend her by waving them off. This roused the attention of BikerBouncer... The sight of paunchy Man Dancers inspired a small crowd of paunchy Couple Dancers to Grind and Dirty Dance through the final parts of Rhonda's "number"

By the time the "number" was finished BikerBouncer was "swimming" through the crowd like a shark on the prowl. He cornered the smallest, most aggressive Man Dancer while the rest of them evaporated into the crowd... The Alien alerted us, "Watch... BikeBouncer is about to begin to move deceptively fast..." Before you could say, "I like Big Butts", BikerBouncer had the Man Dancer wrapped up and halfway to the sidewalk. It was a site to behold - BikerBouncer is a good man to have in a tight spot.

Another first: Joe got his birthday written on the "March Birthdays" announcement board at K's... pretty cool... he was careful to clear it first completely with BikerBouncer before giving him any reason to kick his ass.

Marie was there most of the night, but then mysteriously disappeared once she got some cash from us. Mystery.

Also, there were a number of memorable quotes from various people that I will not repeat because I have either forgotten them or am too shy to repeat them.

Of course, not content to let an open sore heal, The Alien and Rhonda performed two more provocative numbers. Jimmy rewarded Rhonda with an extended Flashlight Bath. Jimmy was particularly provoked by The Alien's number... making several homo-erotic hand gestures and miming demonstrations of various indecipherable sex-acts.

Then we ran for our lives.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: SWEET CAROLINE, I'M TOO SEXY
Rhonda: BABY GOT BACK, THE TIMEWARP
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Chris: RING OF FIRE, PRETTY IN PINK

Let's hope the next R @ K's for K is a little bit more boring.

Ms Karaole, You Drink Booze like Water

2006-03-20T15:01:00.000-08:00

(inspired by CRACKLIN' ROSE by NEIL DIAMOND)

Cracked Red Nose that can't be ignored
You're gonna drink till there ain't no veins no mo'
Too sore to blow
Lord, don't you know
Drinkin like that it will burst like a tomato

Sippin' on a your 8th rum and coke
Those losers will fawn on you all night long
You'll sing your song
You'll sing when you want
KG will just call you up whenever you want him

Oh, I cringe at that Rosie nose
You got the way to keep y'self happy
You always drink in style
Ms Karaole, you drink booze like water
And you like to sing "Coalminer's Daughter'
So badger Mrs Jimmy, girl
While the night keeps draggin' on

Drink it down
drink it down
drink it down, my lady

My guess is that we are over due for Karaole to be there to add pleasure and warmth to our K @ K's on R

any takers?

Just Shows up to Pick up the Checks

2006-03-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

Last night was no more remarkable than any other R @ K's for K... In other words it was Remarkable.

No sign of KG. The Alien found out from Matchbox Kenny that KG "just shows up to pick up the checks" now... leaving Matchbox Kenny still at the helm... not exactly the firmest hand on the helm, either. He began begging right away for our "crew" to start submitting "numbers" to save his "singing" voice.

The place was empty when we got there... Mr Brett was firmly established by the time The Alien and I arrived.

Nothng much to report other than it was a night of some new numbers (Mr Brett: "What have we got to lose?"). Jimmy was in high spirits... it could have been the low work load... he sat at the bar for quite a while and just stared into space. Once some ladies appeared he seemed to perk up quite a bit and began to monkey around and exclaim all sorts of wild, unintelligible statements about the nature of Gender Relations in our country today. Nobody seemed to come up to the flashlight bar, however - despite The Aliens constant agitating

The LINE UP

The Alien: SUNDAY MORNING COMING DOWN (early on it was that kind of night), CITY OF NEW ORLEANS (back by popular demand)
Mr. Brett: AMERICAN IDIOT, STRAY CAT STRUT (now redubbed MATT BRETT STRUT), HOLIDAY
Chris: HELLO DARLIN', NORWEGIAN WOOD, ABOUT A GIRL (unplugged and unlistenable)

Hope to see you all next R @ K's for K!

Accept your fate - K's the thing you're thinking of

2006-03-15T07:19:00.000-08:00

(IT'S NOT TOO LATE made popular by AIR SUPPLY)

I stand alone , with a mic, not that proud
I "sing" poorly if the truth be said
Sometimes i try to "sing" too loud
But at least I stand still up there
I wish i had the sense or shame to just sit and drink my beer

(chorus)
It's not to late to plan for K
Accept your fate K's the thing you're thinking of
It's not to late so don't say you can't
I'd like you there, but it's not hard for me
Not that hard for me to K

And what a bail out it was!

2006-03-10T06:48:00.000-08:00

Strange night last night... must have been the rain keeping some people in and drawing some "people" out. Those "people" included us! Very very very quiet night. Matchbox Kenny was alone at the helm and dying up there... he had to sing about 6 or 7 in a row before we got organized enough to get up there and bail him out. And what a bail out it was!

Other people at the bar included a group of Look-at-me-Look-at-me, very loud girls with their Effeminate Male Companion egging them on. Boy were they loud! and then they would go up there as a 5-6 person group not sing and giggle and draw more attention to themselves... it was pretty nausiating.

Jimmy was in good spirits... he copped a couple of long hugs from the least loud of the loud girls. He also got his flashlight out for a really classy girl with a Got Cocktails? t-shirt and one of those really long hair trailer park perms... She had all (ALL) the characteristics that we all know Jimmy looks for in a "performer".

THE LINE UP

The Alien: PAINT IT BLACK, SWEET CAROLINE (in a not so transpaent attempt at pandering - successful, btw)
Lisap: RAIN, MR TAMBORINE MAN (always the Rock Classicist)
Chris: LAY LADY LAY, RING OF FIRE (a less successful attempt to pander)

See you next R for K @ K's

I know it's sad but this is kind of my routine

2006-03-06T15:01:00.000-08:00

(inspired by LAY LADY LAY, by BOB DYLAN)

Hey, Jimmy, hey, pay you right now for 3 beers ahead?
Hey, Jimmy, hey, pay you right now for 3 beers ahead?
Whatever prices you have before K time
I'll pay that to you now - its okay I like them warm too, just fine

Hey, Jimmy, hey, pay you right now for 3 beers ahead?
Say, Jimmy, say, did I tell you I like your style?
Until I'm out of pay, let me drink and lay my head on the bar for a while
My clothes get smokey and I can't really sing
I know it's sad but this is kind of my routine

Hey, Jimmy, hey, pay you right now for 3 beers ahead?

K on R @ K's?

Since He Got that Damn Cataract Surgery

2006-02-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

Where to begin? Where indeed... I suppose I should begin at the Beginning. I arrived to a touching and, at the same time, inspiring collection of sights:

1. KG tottering gingerly behind the The Sound Machine in what can only described as a neckbrace fashioned using mediaeval technology... Big, Metal and Uncomfortable Looking.

2. Jimmy way down the bar by the pool table... on a stool!.... eating Karaoles grub... with his arm in a sling!

Obviously, before I could process all of this visual information, I had to settle a little matter with Mr. High Life. So I tried to catch one or the other of Mrs. Jimmy's eyes only to be thwarted by two competing distractions on her attention(s)... Jimlet putting in a drink order and Carol shouting incoherent and abusive orders at Mrs. Jimmy. I thought all was lost, but guess who came to the rescue with a Long Distance Strike? Jimmy!... From his pool table stool he growled through a mouthful of Hamburger the appropriate orders to Mrs. Jimmy to pay attention and wait on Paying Customers. I quickly apologized to Mrs. Jimmy for getting her in trouble and she brushed it off with, "It's okay, baby... Since he got that damn cataract surgery he has eyes like hawk."

Me and Mr. Miller had just started our conversation when Joe and Rhonda came in and beheld all that I had seen.

After the initial shock and resulting tear-up, Rhonda made short work of the whole thing...

Jimmy: Car crash... Woman (of course) T-boned him in an intersection... totaling his car and messing up his arm... he seems content to milk her insurance company for the time being

KG: 2 car crashes resulting in neck surgery - apparently involving Titanium and a Human Cadaver Bone... we are not sure how or if they were actually inserted into his body or not. Rhonda's quote: "Hey, KG, is that a Human Cadaver Bone in your neck or are you just glad to see me?!"

After repeated desperate SMSs to the Alien, he finally got there just before the first rotation.

KG dropped a bombshell... K will not only be on R but now it will be on T too! so we will have the option to K @ K's on T or K @ K's on R.... Krazy!

There were some particularly Loud and Amateurish Hipsters who just didn't get it... calling attention to themselves by Overly Enjoying what, I can only conclude, was their very first ever round of Beers... jesus where do these people come from?

I was a light "singer" night... Matchbox Kenny and KG had to "perform" more than I have ever seen them... Droopy got two or three in... We were all in a bitter-sweet mood due to all the human carnage so we hung back and only did one round... by the time we recovered the Jam was on due to a large table of LWLLs so we counted our Blessings and went home

THE LINE UP

The Alien: PAINT IT BLACK
Rhonda: FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER (Matchbox Kenny made some kind of crack that he felt the need to apologize for to Rhonda - but none of us heard it - so there was a lost opportunity)
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Lisap: (had to work and was not in attendance :( )
Chris: JUST LIKE A WOMAN (but my voice breaks just like a little girl)

See you in 2 (two) weeks at K's for K on R

R's just the day to 'nebriate

2006-02-21T15:23:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU by STEVIE WONDER)

R's just the day to 'nebriate,
No better weekday to drink beer
We mark that day
for just one thing:
IT"S TIME TO "SING"
In fact, it's our day for extra-
ordinary K.

I just wrote to ask, "you want to?";
I just wrote to ask, "will you be there?";
I just wrote to ask, "you want to?";
And I think this time I just might "hit" the highest part.

K on R @ K's?

Irony has its place

2006-02-13T12:55:00.000-08:00

(inspired by ITSY BITSY SPIDER)

The very tipsy hipster could not sing but he could shout...
"They'll love my ironic Zeppelin," thought the hipster with no doubt
Once the song came on his posturing was all in vain
Now The very tipsy hipster won't be called up again!

A cautionary tale this week for all of us... irony has its place but not on
the Karaoles "stage". Keep the monkey business where it belongs - at work

K this R @ K's?

Knocking on F'n Heaven's Door

2006-02-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

Well it was a night to renew old friendships AND make new ones.

Matchbox Kenny was again at the helm... however, The Alien may have stumbled onto the secret of how to avoid getting Jammed - present Matchbox Kenny with only one rotation at a time... as a result he is spared complicated performance sorting. The results were dramatic. Nice tight well managed rotations... Another contributing factor could have been that Matchbox Kenny, "Chico" and us were the only ones "performing"... Initially... more on that below.

Old Friends: Marie has returned, hair freshly shoe polished - she must have gotten her doctor's clean bill of Hep-C health. She seems pretty fit if not a bit jaundiced... nothing that a few days of heavy drinking can't fix - Jimmy related that she'd "been in 'ere all day"

New Friends: It was a night of firsts in that we were solicited with "requests." We were approached and asked to "perform" certain numbers... weird... very weird. I am guessing some dare was involved (e.g. "I dare you to ask that Jackass to sing X... he looks just stupid enough to do it too!" Q: Were requests honored? A: Of course

More New Friends: The Alien made a new friend - he goes by the handle, "Indio" and he puts me in mind of "Al" from Happy Days (the non-asian one), that is if "Al" had spent his entire life abusing substances - Indio was so inebriated that he needed The Alien to walk him through the entire "performance process". "How do I do this? I want to sing 'Suspicious Minds'?" The Alien gave a full briefing and gained a new special friend. He surprised us with his ability to sing a full phrase behind the actual song... The Alien neglected to give him two key pieces of advice - 1. "Sing the words as they first _begin_ to light up... not _after_ they are all lit up..." AND 2. "Stagger up and present your slips to Matchbox Kenny, not the 'Performer' in the midst of their 'Performance'" - Chico dealt with this faux pas with aplomb. Those key pieces of advice made all the difference... on his second number (IT"S NOW OR NEVER) he did a lot, lot better.

The few "performers" were able to work off and inspire each other... for example... Chico chose "Knocking on Heaven's Door" to "perform"... The opening bars brought a exclamation from Indio's even more inebriated friend, "Knocking on F'n Heaven's Door, allllright!" This might have been what stirred Indio out of his stupor long enough to conceive that he too could go up there and make monkey sounds through the microphone.

THE LINE UP

The Alien: THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS (this is becoming The Aliens signature number), HIT THE ROAD JACK (what you say?), SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO (revisiting his Clash-y roots)
Mr Brett: AMERICAN IDIOT, ONE PIECE AT A TIME, HOLIDAY (Mr Brett performed a mini-Green Day tribute)
Chris: RING OF FIRE, RHINESTONE COWBOY, THE TIMES, THEY ARE A'CHANGING (inspired by Chico's KNOCKIN ON HEAVEN'S DOOR)

See everyone for K @ K's next R.

Don't think you're next

2006-01-31T14:14:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by the Kottkes' trip to NZ and DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER by CROWDED HOUSE (a NZ band))

There are hillbillies within, and in-breeds too, no doubt
Try to drink your HighLife - come on, bottoms up!
There's a "performer" ahead, many more in fact
Yup, you'll never see the "mic" the rest of the night
With Matchbox Kenny here

Hey now, hey now
Don't think it's your turn
Hey now, hey now
When they all come in
They come, and come
And sort up ahead of us
"they just put that in!"

K @ K's this R?

An excuse to touch oneself

2006-01-27T08:37:00.000-08:00

Well it was a good night... or at least it started out that way... when we got there it was mostly empty... which under normal KG-driven conditions that would be really good... get 2 "numbers" in a piece and in bed by 10:30PM... BUT unfortunately KG is out of commission... Jimmy related to Rhonda something about "throat surgery"... Jimmy was vague and claimed that "him and KG don't get along so well".. this led to wild speculation about some tragic Brokeback incident between them...

In any case, Matchbox Kenny was at the helm and as a result chaos reined and we bailed after some severe Jamming - "performing" only one rotation... As the night wore on we got a lot of tourists (lots of "duets" that consisted of shouting out the parts of the lyrics that they already knew... and mumbling through the rest). Magoo-san was there in an unusual non-competitive demonstration of his "skills" - unfortunately since this was informal there were no props.

One of our recently reported characters (a skinny creepy biker-wannabe who usually sports a "Southern Blade" biker vest) turns out to have an even better actual handle: "Chico". He seemed particularly supportive of two short, squat, matching Brokeback cowboy bookends who did some edgy and well executed material - "Hurts so Good" and "Crush" respectively.

We spied a new regular perched at the bar... not really named at this point... sort of a cross between "Ma" Barker and a fire plug. She was sporting the univeral unisex poor rummy haircut... thin greasy "naturally moussed" hair combed straight back and continuing to grow down the back of the neck without any plans for future trimming... i.e. a zero-maintenance-get-this-out-of-my-face styling

Karaol spent the evening being groped by a drunken not-her-sycophant-boyfriend guy (??!!). Speaking of Karaol.. I believe that her entire head is gin blossomed... literally... maybe even extending down into the neck a bit...

As previously mentioned, Rhonda had an extended conversation with Jimmy about a number of topics...I will leave it to her to report the details.

Humorous Anecdote:

BikerBouncer to The Alien as we were leaving: (motioning over) Hey... come here... i gotta tell you something..
The Alien: (moving in close)... huh?
BikerBounder: Your fly is open...
The Alien: (performing a quick check) no it's not op... hey... (realizing he had been "had")
BikerBouncer: (chuckling at pulling a really "good one"... and raising hands as if to apologize for "getting him good")
The Alien: It's all good, chief... It gave me an excuse to touch myself

Once this was related to all of us on the sidewalk outside... we all had a good laugh at how ingenious the original prank was AND how witty the comeback had been

THE LINE UP
The Alien: SUNDAY MORNING COMING DOWN
Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out)
Joe: (chose to sit this one out)
Lisa P: 99 RED BALLOONS
Chris: ACT NATURALLY

see you next R @ K's for K

One guy's toothless, she's missing one hand.

2006-01-23T14:25:00.000-08:00

(inspired by The City of New Orleans by Steve Goodman)

Feasting on some really greasy Onion Rings,
Uptown Neighborhood, R, without fail
Fifteen beers and fifteen trips to hell,
Three bikers and four or five redneck males.
All along the smokey bar
Most aren't violent but those guys are
One guy's toothless, she's missing one hand.
Sippin' drinks that are real cheap,
Some hipsters come in we all turn and stare
Jimmy mumbles something I'm sure I don't understand.

CHORUS:
Good evenin' KG how are you?
Don't you know me I'm here every week,
I'm the one you call up and tries to act like he "sings",
I'll have "sung" five or six times before the night is done.

did someone say, "K on R @ K's"?

Who knew kwiting Karol's kould be so easy?

2006-01-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

Phone conversations at the Lynch's last night - brought to you by the
Department of Homeland Security:

"Hey, chief, I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. I've got some
production stuff to work on."
""
"No, LisaP isn't feeling well. She can't make it either."
""
"I don't think Heineken will make her feel better."
""
"You're really going by yourself?"
""
"Yeah, that's probably a better idea to drink that bottle at home...by
yourself."

"Honey, I'm going to be home a little later than expected."
""
"That's sweet that you cancelled karaoke to stay home."
""
"You've already finished a bottle of wine?"
""
"I guess the Italian bottles are smaller. Who's watching the kids?"

I wish I knew how to kuit U

2006-01-17T13:12:00.000-08:00

(inspired by Brokeback Mountain - actually it is verbatim... I don't think I can improve on it in any way... it is perfect)

Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together, f'n real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Ennis! So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything's built on that, that's all we got boy, f'n all. So I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short f'n leash you keep me on, and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude "encounters"* once or twice a year! You are too much for me Ennis, son of a whoreson bitch...

I wish I knew how to quit you.

* edited to retain a PG-14 rating

In the words of The Alien, "I wish I knew how to quit you, Jimmah!"

how about some K on R @ K's?

Last Minute Korrection

2006-01-12T13:23:00.000-08:00

The Alien has been called back to the Hive... This can mean only one thing - The "Colonization" and "Subjugation" plan is being put into effect.

Who can K under that kind of eminent danger?!

We are riding out the eminent Invasion at the Hopleaf rather than the more defensible but also more obvious Karaoles...

Let's surprise the Green Devils by hitting them while the hillbillies have them pinned down - from the North - from where they least expect it!

Where did I leave my shoes?

2006-01-10T09:06:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by FOOTLOOSE by KENNY LOGGINS)

Been jonesin' so hard
better be on guard
2 days, and then
I will say, "never, never again!"
I've got this feeling
sobriety's holdihg me down
I'll hit the bottle
then stagger all around
Now I gotta cut...

Loose and a-buse
Where did I leave my shoes?
Please, Jimmy
pick me offa my knees
Room, stand still!
C'mon at least un-til
I-find my shoes

Everyone-what's - your excuse?

K @ K's on R?

I kan't kuit U, Half-Pint/DutchBoy

2006-01-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Joe for snapping this candiate performance "momemt"

The understudy takes the stage

2006-01-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

(as reported by The Alien)

In honor of Matchbox Kenny who took the karaoke kontrols last night in KG's absence, Chris has asked me to relay the "events" of last night. I think he felt too close to the action to report objectively. Hopefully the photos will make it to the feed. I think Chris may have made some new friends...

Where to start? KG was out, Ladies Who Love Ladies were in, and someone changed the lightbulbs to 1,000 watts. I felt like I was back in Gitmo.

It was a night of song thievery - some newcomer did an okay version of Bust a Move. We all had to hold Rhonda back. She wanted to mess her up. Also, Folsom Prison Blues was taken before Chris and I even opened the book. I guess it's the Joaquin the Line effect - now everybody's a JC fan.

The real news was Mr. Frye's impromptu trio. Half-Pint, Dutch Boy, and Full-Pint - three guy painters - were new to the scene, but immediately at-home. American Girl brought HP and DB to the stage, sharing the microphone with Fearless Frye. It felt a bit like Brokeback Mountain. I think I heard one of them say, "I just can't quit ya," but I'm not entirely sure.

Jimmy provided a Marie update and more. Apparently she's cured of the hepatitis, but hasn't secured a letter of wellness from her doctor yet. No letter = no entry. So Karol has been spending some time with her. Apparently Marie has been coming to Karol's since Karol was a young girl. Ah, generations. Jimmy also shared that he's been working at Karol's for quite a while - 33 years to be precise. That's a career!

Tight rotation - lots of good songs. Chris will have to provide the lineup - I barely remember what I sang.

THE LINE UP
The Alien: CITY OF NEW ORLEANS (openner for the TRIBUTE TO THE CRESENT CITY tribute)
Mr Brett: HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN (closer for the TRIBUTE TO THE CRESENT CITY tribute)
Rhonda: (chose to sit this one out)
Joe: (chose to sit this out)
Lisap: DREAMING, HELP!
Chris: THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN', AMERICAN GIRL (performed as an intimate duet with Half Pint with Dutch Boy Supervising)